The voice of reason is great if you are in the same institution or group. But it just doesn't work when you're talking to people outside of your group, he says. "Most of the time, we're just avoiding arguing with each other and resenting it" The author's favorite strategy: Avoid conflict that Harvard goes away.
Have you ever had one of those arguments — whether with a friend or a colleague, a loved one or a perfect stranger — that you both vehemently disagree, and it boils your blood? Too often these days, arguments with people we disagree with feel impossible. We never solve anything but seem to succeed in hurting someone’s feelings. But what if it didn’t have to be that way? In his forthcoming book, “Why Are We Yelling?: The Art of Productive Disagreement” (Nov. 19), Buster Benson, who has worked for some of the world’s most successful companies, to help you have hard conversations in your relationships, engage people with different political viewpoints, and disagree with dignity.