Keeping Struggles Secret

Mark Clifton and Mark Hallock talk honestly about why many pastors’ kids (PKs) struggle spiritually or walk away from the faith, using Chuck Lawless’s article, “10 Reasons Preacher’s Kids Strayed,” as a starting point.

If you’re a pastor, ministry leader, or parent in church leadership, this episode will help you better understand the unique pressures pastors’ kids face and how to care for their hearts with wisdom and grace.

In this episode, they unpack 10 reasons pastors’ kids stray from the church or from faith:

1. They weren’t (and aren’t) perfect.

• PKs often feel pressure to be the “ideal Christian kid.”
• Constant expectations and scrutiny can lead to burnout, resentment, or hidden struggles.

2. The church told them how to live, but didn’t personally walk with them.

• They heard the rules and standards but lacked discipleship, mentoring, and real-life guidance.

3. They didn’t know what to do when their pastor-parent seemed too busy.

• Ministry can crowd out family time, leaving kids feeling overlooked or unimportant.

4. They kept their struggles to themselves.

• Fear of judgment or hurting their parents’ reputation can keep PKs silent about doubts and sin.

5. They felt overwhelmed by temptation and didn’t know how to respond.

• Without safe, honest conversations about sin, grace, and repentance, temptation can isolate them.

6. They weren’t actually saved yet.

• Growing up in a ministry home doesn’t guarantee genuine conversion or a personal relationship with Christ.

7. They wanted to experiment.

• Curiosity, peer pressure, or a desire for independence can lead them to test boundaries and pursue the world.

8. They were rebelling against the church.

• Hurts, hypocrisy, or church conflict can cause PKs to push back against the church and its expectations.

9. They saw too much of the “underbelly” of church life.

• Witnessing criticism, conflict, betrayal, or gossip about their parents can deeply wound pastors’ kids.

10. They followed the lead of their church friends.

• The influence of peers—whether spiritually apathetic or openly rebellious—can pull PKs away from the Lord.

This episode offers pastoral wisdom and practical ideas for:

• Protecting and shepherding your own kids as a pastor
• Creating a church culture that cares well for pastors’ families
• Helping pastors’ kids process church hurt, doubt, and disappointment

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• “10 Reasons Preacher’s Kids Strayed” by Chuck Lawless
• “How does a pastor respond to: ‘When is my child ready for baptism?’” by Mark Hallock

Listen in for a thoughtful conversation on pastors’ kids, church hurt, and helping PKs follow Jesus with authentic, lasting faith.

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