I just think that you didn't grow up with the expectation and therefore you're in a better place because not that you're not disappointed but you don't have sort of fake versions of your life put in front of you. I was talking recently with a fine of mine Lindsey Krauss about that she's recent mother journals at the times and this idea of do you should you have a kind of postpartum agreement when you have kids like you have a pre-nup agreement about who's going to do the work or a prepartum agreement. How are you going to split up the work and how are they going to compensate for the time. It is an issue it's a big