4 Relationship Killers and How to Beat Them | Toolbox
The Art of Charm
The Second Horseman, Defensiveness
In a relationship context, both parties need to feel that they have a say in these conversations and working towards a resolution. The more the other person has an opportunity to contribute to that conversation and the result of that conversation, the more buy-in that you have from both parties. Both sides need to see that the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
In today’s episode, we cover the four horsemen of relationship dynamics with AJ, Johnny, and Coach Michael.
We all encounter four dynamics in our personal and professional relationships, so what are they, what is the best way to approach each one to minimize conflict, and in the case of conflict, what makes for the best and worst apologies?
What to Listen For
- The Four Horsemen of Relationship Dynamics: Criticism – 0:00
- What are the four primary relationship dynamics?
- What’s the best way to handle criticism in a relationship?
- How do you effectively give criticism in a relationship without angering or upsetting your partner?
- Defensiveness – 15:35
- What are the 3 ways defensiveness shows up in relationships and how should you approach each one?
- What is the worst kind of apology?
- What makes a good apology?
- Stonewalling – 27:42
- What is stonewalling and why does it do so much damage to relationships?
- What is the best way to handle a friend or partner who stonewalls in response to potential arguments?
- The Final Straw: Contempt – 44:14
- What is the best predictor of divorce?
- Why do you start feeling contempt for your partner?
- What strategies can you use to break the cycle of feeling contempt for someone?
Nobody likes feeling criticized, but it’s an unavoidable part of every relationship and we have to know how to give and receive criticism effectively in order to grow. The key is to learn how to give criticism in a way that doesn’t damage your relationship or make your partner feel defensive. If you can learn how to recognize and manage stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt, you’ll be on the right track to maintaining a happy and healthy relationship with your partner, friends, family, and coworkers.
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Resources from this Episode
The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
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