Welcome to episode 50 of The Way Out Is In: The Zen Art of Living, a podcast series mirroring Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s deep teachings of Buddhist philosophy: a simple yet profound methodology for dealing with our suffering, and for creating more happiness and joy in our lives.

In this episode, Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and leadership coach and journalist Jo Confino contemplate how to find compassion for ourselves – even when we feel stuck and unable to move forward, and know what to do but enter self-loathing rather than self-compassion. Together, they discuss what it is to love ourselves and what a difference it can make. Plus, why is it so difficult to change? What should we be mindful of? And what is love to us? 

Brother Phap Huu further considers how helpful insights can blossom; attaining new views of growth in spirituality; unconditional love; what it is to be stuck and how to unstick ourselves; ‘striving’ energy, perceptions, and aspirations; creating new stories; and acceptance.

Jo starts with a confession before sharing about epiphanies; times when one’s story is more important than one’s happiness; self-worth; cultivating change at the edges; and mindful reminders.

The episode ends with a short meditation guided by Brother Phap Huu.

Enjoy!

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Co-produced by the Plum Village App:
https://plumvillage.app/

And Global Optimism:
https://globaloptimism.com/ 

With support from the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation:
https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/ 

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List of resources 

Sister True Dedication
https://plumvillage.org/people/dharma-teachers/sister-hien-nghiem/ 

‘Tangerine Meditation’
https://plumvillage.org/library/clips/tangerine-meditation/

Sister Jina
https://plumvillage.org/people/dharma-teachers/sr-dieu-nghiem/ 

Saṃsāra
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sa%E1%B9%83s%C4%81ra_(Buddhism) 

Krishna Das
https://www.krishnadas.com/ 

The Miracle of Mindfulness
https://plumvillage.org/books/the-miracle-of-mindfulness/ 

The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching
https://plumvillage.org/books/the-heart-of-the-buddhas-teaching/ 

Dharma Talks: ‘True Love and the Four Noble Truths’
https://plumvillage.org/library/dharma-talks/true-love-and-the-four-noble-truths/ 

The Four Noble Truths
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy-RI3FrdGA 

Dharma Talks: ‘The Noble Eightfold Path’
https://plumvillage.org/library/dharma-talks/the-noble-eightfold-path/ 

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Quotes

“Peace in oneself, peace in the world.” 

“When I know that I don’t hate myself, love is already there. And acceptance is a part of love.” 

“Mindfulness is the opposite of forgetfulness, and love is the opposite of hatred.”

“After one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s talks, I said, ‘Sister Jina, don’t you monastics get bored of Thay repeating the same thing over and over again? And doesn’t Thay get bored with repeating the same teachings over and over again?’ And she turned to me and said, ‘But do we practice?’”

“Because of our unmindful society, where there’s more forgetfulness and not enough awareness, love becomes something to gain. People are trying to gain love rather than to cultivate love within them, creating a lot of expectation around it. And when there is love, there is already a need. But in the practice of Buddhism, and in our practice, love should be unconditional.”

“Our practice is to understand that love is a growing organic energy. But hatred is also an organic energy. So the first practice in mindfulness and in Buddhism has to start with oneself. And maybe that is the most painful start because, for some reason, it’s easier to love others.” 

“Mindfulness is light. Forgetfulness is the darkness. But the two rely on each other and can dance within each other.” 

“If you have an empty bowl, then you’ve got nothing to give. All you really want to do is fill your own bowl. But when your bowl is full and overflowing, it naturally leads to generosity.” 

“In my own life, the moments of greatest transformation have been when I’ve stopped long enough for an insight to arise; what I refer to as an epiphany.” 

“New forms of life tend to grow at the very edges of ecosystems, like the edges of estuaries where new life forms have space to develop. If they develop and get enough strength, then they come towards the center and become an established lifeform. And they sometimes become what can’t change. Then something else will grow at the edge and come into the center.” 

“The Buddha said that we always have to check our perception of our reality and the reality that we want to achieve. And this is very different from aspiration.”

“To look into the past is also to educate, to learn, and to have insight. So insight comes from awareness, and we have to have baby insight to have big insight.”

“Thay says sometimes our habits, our energies, are there for us to reflect on. If I don’t have striving energy, then maybe I don’t have any aspirations.”