Why She Kept Returning Despite Terrifying Trips

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Abby and Patrick are joined by one of their favorite writers, Sarah Miller, to talk about her new essay in n+1. Entitled “Pirates of the Ayahuasca,” it’s a first-person narrative, at once understated and devastating, hilarious and cutting, that sees Sarah, struggling with depression and grief, travel from wildfire-ravaged Northern California to the Peruvian Amazon for two weeks of psychedelic treatment under a prominent indigenous shaman. Sarah relates and reflects on her experience, her relationship with the shaman and his other clients, the business model of the “ayahuasca center,” and much more. Along the way, Sarah, Abby, and Patrick unpack broader narratives about therapy, ritual, and healing; the ways we metabolize feelings of guilt, sadness, and desires for change; the unavoidable context of capitalism, global inequality, and climate catastrophe; our expectations for psychedelics, our fantasies of transformative experiences, and what we can learn from plants. 

Sarah Miller's writing classes are ongoing, here is a description and contact information.

Sarah Miller, “Pirates of the Ayahuasca”: https://www.nplusonemag.com/issue-50/essays/pirates-of-the-ayahuasca/

Sarah Miller, “Heaven or High Water”: https://popula.com/2019/04/02/heaven-or-high-water/

Sarah’s Substack, The Real Sarah Miller: https://therealsarahmiller.substack.com/

Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception: https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/357842/the-doors-of-perception-by-aldous-huxley/9780099458203

Alexander “Sasha” Shulgin and Anna Shulgin, PiHKAL (Phenethylamines I Have Known and Loved): A Chemical Love Story: https://psychedelics.berkeley.edu/resources/pihkal/

Brian Pace and Neşe Devenot, “Right-Wing Psychedelia: Case Studies in Cultural Plasticity and Political Pluripotency”: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34975622/

Neil Whitehead and Robin Wright, editors, In Darkness and Secrecy: The Anthropology of Assault Sorcery and Witchcraft in Amazonia: https://www.dukeupress.edu/in-darkness-and-secrecy

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