The Pastoral Office in Men's Ordoination

i've written probably hundreds of pages worth of papers dealing either directly or tangently with the pastoral office. i feel like going into ministry as a woman, even if i'm not a pastor, i feel like i'm constantly having to defend myself and say, i'm not ordained. And so i have read a lot on i've presented on women rolls in the church. I've done workshops, i've run bible studies. This is something that i've licked out with a lot. But much to my dismay, this is not somethinhing i i want to talk about ever. It's funny, because your theology of women's ornation is largely my fault because i'm who