"Sometimes we actually I mean we talk about like post-traumatic growth and things like that but you know sometimes when we go through those situations and we know enough about our ancestry we can make active decisions to go the other direction honestly sometimes come not come out better," she says. "I think with Eric or me kind of almost see that like he's almost so good because he's trying to fight off it seems like this concern he has about like inherited badness I was part of the shame and why he rejects it."

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