Yeah, I mean, it definitely is a bit more of a provocative name at the same time. The moment we said it and we heard it, it just felt so, so right because we've been on a journey because of our son. Yes,

Kai has definitely taken us on a journey.

And it's been a journey, a life-changing journey for the best. And it started from the moment we received the news and what it did to us and the places it took us. And right away, emerged for myself and I think I'll speak for both of us was really getting clear where we stood around it.

So when you say we got the news you're referring to the not the diagnosis but when his teacher us into a PTA meeting.

Right. It was the first time that it was put on the table by someone where it

was a label. You'd never heard it before. Right.

Where a label was given in direct reference to our son. And

I didn't either right and we had been to his credit he had been this was his fourth school because we had moved we were at a preschool in an area that in downtown then we had moved to Atwater and he was then in a school in downtown for a little while going into his kindergarten but we then got a call from another school that we were more interested in closer to our home, right? And after that, the school that we're now talking about was his, let's say third school, because the first one was obviously daycare. So he had shown a few sort of, I don't want to say symptoms, but he had gotten in trouble a few times and he was definitely a kid that was verbal and had a lot of energy. But I think even then I never thought that the ADHD label I was aware of, the what is called a disorder, and we'll get into how we look at it throughout this podcast. But we basically I didn't know that was even going to come at us. And I'm assuming you didn't either.

we had received some notices that yes he may be being a bit more rambunctious in class etc but but nothing that we felt it was out of the norm or out of him being just a kid and being a boy with a lot of energy but yeah the moment we it was put on the table by a teacher and it was put out with a lot of certainty as in guys this is what is so um yeah that was a moment of I think I'll never forget because it was the first time that as a mother I received the news that's delivered as in congratulations you have a broken child So

that's how it landed for you.

Yeah. Like

a gut punch with a saying attached. Yeah. And I remember the teacher said as you had tears coming down your cheeks and I was still kind of in shock myself she said don't worry I know it's hard but you'll get used to it. And I remember thinking in that moment, what are we going to get used to? Is it that we have a broken child, or is it that we will have sad moments like this and frustration and, you know, anger or confusion? I don't know. Or what was it? Right? I mean, it was a little bit of all of that. Right.

And

I think what followed next for me though, was something that I think was meant with you'll get used to it, which was when we were told that Kai would only be able to get the benefits of the education there at that school if he was medicated. Right. And coming from a teacher that was A, awkward, or I should say, not that I want to say unjustified. Teachers often are the ones leading to the diagnosis because they spend six hours with a child, right? In a classroom setting. But I think what happened then for me was like, okay, then that's not the right school. Right. And I feel like that was a big fork in the road where a lot of parents, maybe because they just cannot move because their job is in a specific town. Maybe they're in the school that they really value. Maybe they just don't want to. They're set in their ways. But I feel like that's where we could have easily said, well, it's a good school, you know. Our cat's trying to get out, but that's okay. She'll learn that that door doesn't open. We could have easily said his cousin, his brother, are there at the school. It's a good school. It's not far away from home. We could have said, let's just stay there, and let's medicate, and let's listen to them, because they know. They're teachers, right? They've been doing this for X amount of years. They have other students in class. No one else seems to be disrupting the class the way did. Okay. Maybe he does have an issue. That's how I felt like, but I remember thinking, I don't want to medicate. And it wasn't a judgment. I want to know from you too. For me, it wasn't the judgment of at the time medications bad, how dare people medicate their children. It was more like I don't, I don't, it doesn't feel right to me. How did you feel about when she said he may have to be medicated if he wants to stay at the school?

Yes, I don't think I went right away as in this is not the school. I went into just like a ball of emotions. I was confused, I was upset, I went into guilt, I went into did I bring this upon my child, what did I do wrong? I mean I was just everything was coming down on me. What did you know, mess up? How is this happening? So it was a mixture of guilt and anger and at the same time a bit of disbelief because it felt like a blind sight. We had no clue. For us, he was a very bright child with a lot of creativity, with a lot of unique quality, personality traits, quality traits that we actually, within our family, we really valued. And to hear that was not matching. It was like the child that I know at home does not match what this teacher was describing. So it was just like a mishmash in my head. So I wasn't yet at a place that, nope, this is not the school. I had to process it a lot. But it was very visceral. It was as a mother to receive news like that. And I don't know if I would imagine it might be like that to other mothers, but my experience was, it was like a gut, a punch in the gut. And it took me some time, but it was, as you mentioned, a fork in the road, because it was the moment, it was a very defining moment that had me get clear, where do I stand? Right? Is medication, you know, where does medication feel within this gut? And I think that is the thing that I did walk out of that meeting clear. Not necessarily about the school, but I got clear that we're not doing medication. Like, this is not... it just does not feel right. The vibrancy that our son has at home is who he is. And if that's not translating to school, it's not for us to take that or shift him or change him so he fits in that school. So...

And I think that's an important moment our cat Bella came to say hi as she knows we're talking about Kai and family. Kai loves Bella. Bella loves Kai. I feel like you know our title ADHD is, is a very controversial title. I think it'll push a lot of buttons. I remember reading a book called ADHD Does Not Exist. And it was the same thing. It was like, what do you mean it doesn't exist? Of course it exists. But as I was reading the book, the author was explaining that it's not so much that there aren't challenges for certain people with certain types of brains, it's just that it is a made up quote unquote disorder. So I think when we say ADHD is over, it's from the point of view of our family that we have stopped buying into the label, the disorder, what ADHD is, what comes with, the stigma it comes with. I

think that also captures our journey because in a fast-forward from the moment that we got the news to everything that has transpired since then, life changes, rearrangements of ourselves, of who we are for him, who we are for each other in our marriage, who we are as a family unit. Like so many things that we got to explore and reinvent for ourselves so that it wasn't about changing him, but rather questioning everything else around our lives

in

a great way.

And supporting him because he does think different. He does have a different speed in life, a different energy than for example his brother Etienne, that's clear. But not to outcast him or to make him wrong or to call him abnormal or as they say disordered or chemically imbalanced or neurologically challenged. There's all these terms, I feel like doing spoken word on this, it rhymes so

heavily. We've chosen to not label him,

but

rather actually question everything around our lives. So that we actually fit towards him versus having him fit towards us.

And I think that's the fork in the road that we're describing with our title. There is a moment when a family can say, okay, my son has ADHD, and now I'm going to label him. And I'm going to refer to him as that in front of the doctor on Facebook support groups with friends, with families. I'm going to shield him and say, well, you know, he has a disorder. Sorry about that. Sorry, my kid, you know, did it. And it's literally just taking on that label and saying, we're going down that road. Right. And what we are going to talk about in many episodes to come is how we went the other way, how we decided, like you said, we as a family, we said, you know what, we're all here. We have our son for a reason. Could it be that we have to look at everything but him first?

Exactly. And you just had something that stood out for me, which is we don't apologize for our son.

Well, at the beginning, they're, I used to. And I think, you know, there's moments when you're like, Roman, you don't have to apologize. He's, you know, and I remember thinking that's right. I did.

We don't go to people and say, sorry, he has ADHD or he's an ADHD or no, like we don't, but rather we put him, we have now learned to put him in situations where he set up to succeed. Right. And that is part of, and the learning that's come for us from that is that, again, it's about how do we shape the world that supports him versus dropping him in this actual agreement of society with people like that don't, are the odd ones out. extra work, but that's our job as parents. And because of that, for us, ADHD is over. Like we don't regard him as that. He doesn't occur to us as that. And all the things that we've had to shift around it have been such great extra, have been great shifts in our own personal lives and in the in our life quality well-being. So it's not like we've had to make sacrifices for it or we'd had to lose things on our end to to to work around him. So that's been I think the biggest discovery.

Yeah. And you about the title again, this is our introductory episode. I want this to be very clear that we can stop anything if we say so. We can stop labeling something in life. And then for us, the person the labeling, it stops. Doesn't mean there's still a disorder or something called ADHD out there that doctors and patients and parents and kids will carry forward. Right? We're not saying it's over. We have eradicated the label or the word, which would be amazing. What we are saying, just like in a way John, Lennon and Yoko and I wanted to say is, we could stop the war. We could. It's a possibility. Now there's a lot of things at stake. A lot of interests of different groups and people. So we're not saying ADHD is gone, but for us it's over. And perhaps maybe we can inspire someone else listening.