"I still had not separated my humanity from the violent warrior killing and death that I was so intimately," he says. "The longer you kind of keep all those nerve endings dead is it's harder to turn them back on" After a deployment, if you don't reconnect to that humanity after your deployment you become cold emotionally unavailable - John Wayne. He also talks about how his wife sent him an email before Deployment asking for help in helping someone else sleep at night.