I remember becoming coherent of the fact that i was in in the middle of an intersection, and i didn't know how i got there. I had more pain than i knew what to do with, and playing the violin was not covering it. And anyway, i couldn't have any longer an instrument between my heart and the world. That was way too revealing. Any opening of my mouth that i did in the danville's was screaming and yelling, literally. It ended up taking five years. The amount of self-destructive behavior  that i went through at that time, from 19 98 to two thousand and three,. really into two thousand and four, if i need to be