The Process of Living with More Intention and Making Small Steps Forward

You may feel dissatisfaction or discomfort in some realm of life that you want to shift. But where to start and how to succeed? In this second episode in a series on intentional living, Dr. Regan identifies ways to create steps toward a goal, identify strategies, and monitor success. 

 

As referenced in the current episode: 

First Episode in Momentum for Behavior series

 

Dr. Regan's Resources

Course for Clinicians - Interventions in Autism: Helping Clients Stay Centered, Connect with Others, and Engage in Life

Course for Clinicians: ASD Differential Diagnoses and Associated Characteristics

Book: Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults, 2nd ed

Audiobook

Book: Understanding Autistic Behaviors

Autism in the Adult website homepage

Website Resources for Clinicians

 

Read the transcript below:

 

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Hi,

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everyone.

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This is your host,

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Dr.

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Theresa Regan,

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introducing this next episode of autism in the adult podcast.

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I'm a neuropsychologist.

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So I specialize in understanding how the health of the brain and the connections of the brain impact,

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thinking,

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skills,

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emotions,

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behavior,

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and personality.

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I've worked in hospitals for over 30 years and I'm the mother of a teen on the spectrum.

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And did you know that I have a series of three podcast episodes about momentum for activity.

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One is about exhaustion and finding balance in momentum.

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One of the episodes is about how to gain momentum for activity and the third is how to keep momentum for activity.

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You can find these three episodes as episodes number 21,

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and 23 In September and October of 2021.

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I'll put the link in the show notes.

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Today,

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we have our second episode of a series about finding some intentionality in um areas of our life where we'd like to grow and maybe challenge ourselves.

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Sometimes life is so fast and furious and we get in survival mode or we just get used to living a certain way that we realize we're not really making choices in all the areas of where we put our attention,

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uh whether we wanna grow or shift gears.

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So the previous episode was this introduction of thinking about where are we in our life right now?

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And if you can identify areas where you would like to find more meaning,

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uh a bit more challenge.

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If you'd like to change direction,

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then we're going to focus together on living intentionally.

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The first episode covered a few things and one is that I think the first step toward being intentional is having this increased self-awareness.

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And I feel like that's one of the greatest blessings of understanding our neurology and going through the diagnostic process about autism to see what,

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how am I wired and what does my system need?

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How do I interact with people?

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What do I find uh joy in,

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in life?

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What drains me and we have this elevated understanding of ourselves.

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Um That is part of that process.

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So I think after that process of self awareness,

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if we do identify areas where we would like to grow or expand in some way,

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one way to do that.

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And we covered this in the initial episode is to think of categories in our life.

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And I invited you to do this um to see where you might want to shift.

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One of the categories we talked about was within the area of a special interest.

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The second was within the area of health and wellness.

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The third was regulation,

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that means the ability to stay centered with things like alertness,

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attention and emotions.

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We also talked about 1/4 category,

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relationships.

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1/5 as everyday tasks kind of like staying on top of those chores and daily things that can be hard to get a rhythm for.

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And the sixth would be something like family and household culture.

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So if you're living in a household with other people,

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and these are people who are wired differently than each other.

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Sometimes focusing on the culture of the household can be a rewarding area of growth.

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Today,

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I would like you to bring your thoughts of what areas you would like to find more meaning in and to have more intention for.

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And we're going to talk about some basic um guidelines for making goals that you can stick with and that you can see change um in these areas without feeling overwhelmed and without kind of stopping in the middle and like our um New Year's resolutions.

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We don't want to,

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to be like that,

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but we want you to have this intention towards something and to give you some structure of how big should the goal be and,

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and how quickly should I work toward it and all of these things,

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I just want to give you some framework to see if this framework helps you.

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The first thing I'd like you to do is to take stock of where you are now.

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So if you chose a health and wellness goal,

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if you chose a household culture goal,

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I just want you to think about where you are right now in this area.

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So don't focus on the end goal.

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Let's just focus on where you are.

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Someone may say for health and wellness.

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Well,

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where I'm at is that I probably walk 10 minutes after work twice a week.

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Another person in the area of everyday tasks may want to really stay on top of bill paying and financial management.

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And so they may say,

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well,

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where I'm at right now is that I tend to um go overboard and spend more than I have in my bank account about four times a month.

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So we're just taking stock whatever your category is for growth and meaning maybe take stock of where you are now.

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And um knowing that you would like to be in a different spot at some point in the future.

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The next step is to create a goal where you're just going to take that one step forward.

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Um What we want to do is to make this goal really achievable.

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We want to set ourselves up for success.

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We want to be able to see the end of the goal and we want the goal to be on the lower side of effort.

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One way to create this type of goal is to think about time spent toward your ultimate destination.

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For example,

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in the area of movement and exercise.

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Someone may realize that they're walking a certain amount after work every week and they may add time to that current routine.

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So someone who wants to have more movement in their life or to get outdoors more frequently,

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perhaps they say,

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well,

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I'm going to add 15 minutes a week to my current routine of being outside or of walking in the neighborhood and moving.

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Um,

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just getting that movement in,

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maybe that's their goal.

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Another person who wants to work toward achieving skills in a certain area,

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maybe they're working toward a promotion or they would like to learn a new skill for fun within perhaps within their special interests.

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The goal may be to spend a certain amount of time per week learning this new skill.

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If they're currently not learning anything about it,

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they might want to start with 20 minutes a week.

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If they're already doing 20,

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they might want to increase by 15,

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whatever the stepwise time goal might be for you,

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that would make sense in your area of interest.

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That may be a way that you'd like to construct what your actual goal is.

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You can also think of it as doing a certain fraction or a certain percentage of the work toward the ultimate goal.

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If someone would like to have intentionality in the area of their special interest,

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publishing,

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some of their short stories may be a goal where they're at currently is they have a collection of 50 short stories,

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most of which are within a science fiction genre.

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They've never taken a class on creative writing or on marketing for their own business.

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What they might do is sit down with a friend and talk about all the steps that they might want to take to make this publishing goal most successful.

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They may identify 10,

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15,

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20 steps.

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One might be taking a free online course in creative writing.

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Another might be joining a local writers group in their community to become part of a network for writers.

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Another goal might be learning how to create a website or how to publish their own material online.

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They would want to take one of these multiple steps.

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So if they've identified 20,

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they may just want to take one goal then they'd have to figure out is this goal small enough that I can see the end.

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I know I can have success and it doesn't feel too effortful if they're going to sign up for a free online class in creative writing that may feel super easy or it may feel too big.

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If it's too big,

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you would want to break that task down.

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So the first step might be to investigate some free online options to choose from.

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If someone has a goal to participate in additional community activities or to get out of the house a bit more often,

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they may make a goal to attend one community event per month uh with a friend Or they may make a goal to spend 15 minutes at a community event before they decide whether they want to come home.

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This just gives a bit of structure,

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but the whole process is meant to just help make one step forward and not to have a goal that's too big or too effortful.

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So we should be able to see the end.

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We should know that it takes some effort that it takes us out of our comfort zone,

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but that we also are set up for success.

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The next step would be thinking of a timeline.

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If someone has a goal in the area of regulation and they identify that they would like to be more intentional about their sleep wake cycle.

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They may determine that they'll watch how they do with their goal across two weeks.

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Perhaps their goal is to get up at the same time every day and after two weeks,

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they can evaluate how easy or difficult that goal was to achieve for someone who's wanting to stay on top of the dishes every day.

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They may also pick a week or two weeks as a time frame that they can monitor their success or stop and reevaluate if the stepwise goal feels like it's been too difficult.

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But here comes the most important step we've looked at creating that step forward goal,

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creating a time frame.

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And this third part I would say is the most important this is picking a strategy to have success.

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What does not work is just saying,

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well,

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I'm going to do it.

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I've made the goal,

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I'm intentional about the goal and I have this time frame.

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I'm just going to do it this time,

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even though it's been really hard in the past.

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What happens with that is that we're able to spurt towards some goal,

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success there,

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but it's very difficult to maintain.

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So what I'd like you to do when you have a goal,

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you have a time frame,

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you have a little chunk that you're gonna work on.

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Say to yourself,

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what's my strategy for accomplishing this goal?

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Never move forward without a strategy.

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If you can't think of one,

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ask a friend or a family member,

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one strategy could be in the area of remembering how can I remember to take my supplies to school?

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How can I remember to do the dishes before I go to bed?

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Another strategy may have to do with adding fun to the task.

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How can I make this task less,

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boring,

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less mundane?

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Maybe I could do it while music is playing or an audio book,

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maybe I could make a race out of it to see if I can get it done within a certain amount of time.

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Perhaps there are ways that I could use a strategy to make the task easier learning about how to streamline the task,

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looking at other ways people do the task to make it easier,

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take up less time.

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Another strategy I could use is offering myself a reward for success.

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Maybe I say if I'm successful for eight weeks in a row,

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I get to buy myself this thing that is not too expensive,

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but usually,

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you know,

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that would be off limits for me.

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But I'm gonna reward myself after I reach this time frame.

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After you've chosen a strategy,

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you have a time frame,

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you have a small goal that you're set up for success with.

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Then it's time to put your plan into action after the week or two weeks.

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What you're going to do is to kind of have an evaluation and debriefing with yourself.

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The first part of the evaluation is I achieve my goal.

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Also think about how effortful was it to achieve what I did achieve if you achieve the goal and you were consistent about it across two weeks and it did not feel too hard or effortful.

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You may decide that you're ready to add another step forward goal to your momentum.

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If you did 10% of the small task toward your goal,

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you could add on another 10% goal or you could add on another 15 minutes of the type of task you were doing to meet your goal.

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Remember to keep a strategy if you need to shift based on your new goal,

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your new step forward goal,

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be sure to do that.

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If you achieved your goal,

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but you pulled it off and are really tired and don't know if you could do that again,

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then you probably need to evaluate whether the goal is small enough,

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whether it's easy enough in the sense that we all have areas of our life that we would say,

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you know,

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for whatever reason,

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this area really wipes me out.

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I just have a huge struggle in this category of my life.

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Maybe you need to start in a different category.

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But if you can make the step forward goal easier,

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do that.

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If you can use a strategy that will help you more,

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go ahead and do that,

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you wouldn't want to add on to your plan until you got that goal achieved in a way that starts to feel pretty effortless like I'm doing this because this is what I do.

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I have momentum for it.

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It's built into my routine and then you don't have to effort as much to keep it going.

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That's when you add just a little bit more to it.

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What do you do if you did not meet your goal?

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Well,

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that's fine too.

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You would step back and evaluate why you may ask yourself.

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Did I use the strategy that I created for this goal?

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If you did and you were not successful with the goal,

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you probably have to reevaluate the strategy or you may need to add another strategy on top of that.

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Maybe you used a remembering goal,

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but that wasn't enough to give you the momentum.

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You need to just get that new behavioral set into your repertoire.

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Maybe you also need to make it easier,

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make it fun or give yourself a reward.

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Maybe you need someone to be accountable to,

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maybe that's your strategy.

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You should also ask yourself,

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did I use my strategy?

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If I didn't reach my goals?

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Maybe it was because I had the intention of using reminders or making it fun.

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But I didn't actually follow through with that.

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Well,

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then you would evaluate that as well.

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Is this strategy too hard?

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Is it too complex and involved in energy draining?

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What other strategies could you think of?

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Do you need to layer something in or do you have to scrap the first strategy and try again?

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What strategies do other people use or find successful?

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What ideas can you glean from other people?

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You're always able to say no to someone's suggestion of a strategy,

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but only if you have a counter offer.

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If your boss says,

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hey,

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this still isn't working.

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I'd like you to try this strategy.

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You can say no,

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I'd rather not use that strategy,

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but only if you have a counter offer.

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If you can say I've thought of this other strategy,

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then you can run with that.

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Now,

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the nice thing about this process is you're learning not only perhaps a new skill that is your goal.

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Um learning how to create a family culture that works in your home.

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Uh Learning how to stay regulated in a way that matches you.

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You're not only learning those things,

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but you're learning this process of growth.

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So I wish I were in a different place in this area of my life.

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How can I start that shift?

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How can I think about doing it without feeling overwhelmed or like,

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I just can't get any,

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um,

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I can't get any forward momentum toward change.

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Well,

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this is a way that you can practice a process for living with more intention.

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Where would I like to be?

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Where am I right now?

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How can I make small steps forward to guarantee that?

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I know I can have success.

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How can I create strategy and timelines and then evaluate what needs to be shifted?

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And what you'll notice too is you may get a great momentum for your goal.

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Maybe you are doing the dishes every night or you're moving for 15 minutes after work every day.

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What will happen is you'll have momentum for that for maybe a long period of time.

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Then at some point,

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something in your life will change and you'll realize that now the strategies you were using aren't really gonna work quite as well anymore.

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And that's really part of that normal human process too.

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And because you know,

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the process of creating strategies of evaluating things of making these small steps forward that can be successful when you do need to reevaluate and get back on board with the goal.

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That's something that you can go back to that skill in itself is something you keep with you and you can use in lots of different areas of life.

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We will continue to talk about living with intention,

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meaning growth and having success with all steps forward.

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Next time when we talk more about strategies and goals within these different categories,

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we mentioned special interests,

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health and wellness regulation,

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relationships,

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everyday tasks and family and household culture.

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I hope you'll join me then.