Matching Traits in Relationships and Work

This episode is part of The Best of Habits & Hustle, a series where we revisit some of the most impactful conversations we’ve shared.

In this one, I sit down with Vanessa Van Edwards to unpack what charisma really is and why so many smart, capable people are quietly misread. We get into how trust and credibility are formed in seconds, why competence without warmth backfires, and how subtle cues shape whether people believe you, listen to you, or overlook you entirely.

She breaks down what happens when people try to be neutral or unreadable, why under-signaling on online meetings makes you seem less trustworthy, and how small shifts in communication can completely change how your ideas land. If you’ve ever felt like your skills were there but your influence wasn’t, this conversation will click.

Vanessa Van Edwards is a bestselling author, international speaker, and creator of People School. She is an instructor at Harvard University and has taught communication science to millions of students worldwide. Her work has been featured on CNN, BBC, and the Today Show, and her books have been translated into 17 languages.

Most people assume charisma is about being funny or outgoing, but that mindset is exactly why smart, capable people keep getting overlooked. In reality, people decide whether they trust and believe you in seconds, and the signals you are sending might be working against you.

We dive deeper into this in the episode with Vanessa Van Edwards. We chat about why competence without warmth backfires, how under-signaling on online meetings makes you seem less trustworthy, and the subtle cues that quietly determine whether people take you seriously.

This episode is part of The Best of Habits & Hustle, a series where we revisit some of the most impactful conversations we’ve shared. 

What We Discuss:

• (00:41) The two questions people subconsciously ask the moment they meet you

• (07:33) Why competence without warmth makes people distrust you

• (10:08) What happens when you are seen as “too nice” and not taken seriously

• (15:46) Why smart people fail to sell good ideas without emotional buy-in

• (16:42) How under-signaling and “being unreadable” backfires on video calls

• (18:55) The role of oxytocin and dopamine in building connection and motivation

• (21:52) The first 10 words that dramatically increase engagement on Zoom

• (30:15) What your handshake reveals about confidence and dominance

• (48:00) The impact of genuine vs. fake smiles on trust and perception

• (54:07) How communication cues change in digital spaces like email and texting

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Find more from Jen:

Website: www.jennifercohen.com

Instagram: @therealjencohen

Books: www.jennifercohen.com/books

Speaking: www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement

Find more from Vanessa Van Edwards:

Website: www.vanessa.blog

Instagram: @vvanedwards

Youtube: @vvanedwards

Tiktok: @vvanedwards

Facebook: @vvanedwards

X: @vvanedwards