The Cost of Committing Ellie

Ellie passed away on January the 5th and I called them, they were wonderful. I left at the vet that night and bought her hair with my two daughters. And they buried her. She was in a coffin. Her little head was on a little satin pillow and they wrapped her in her blanket. My daughters and I each put in photographs of us with a message to Ellie on it. We put in some of her toys and she looked so wonderful. But all I saw was me putting Ellie on a roasting tin, putting butter and salt and pepper and putting her in the oven. You can do it to me. But I couldn't do that to Ellie. What is