It takes a lot of work to be laid back whatever parents. It's like you brought two or three or five children into the world. Permissive oh yeah but you already made the decision for your house to be messy and so you have to accept it. This isn't to say you just utterly embrace the mess and squalor and filth, but you do because you decided for things to be messy right? That is not fair to you or them to think you can have both things at the same time.