You

know, we're point you know, we're one percent middle Eastern, bro. Are

we? Yeah, man.

I got my 23 and me were point one. Israel. Or one percent. Yeah. Right. Do

their Twitter is insane. They just tweeted the Houthis found out. It was like a picture of a fighter jet and on Fire City. It's like dude relax Wait, what if you go in Israel's Twitter like one of the things is like the Houthis just found out and they just like Carved bomb the Houthis. It's just like a bunch of buildings on fire. So this is a fucking weird. Yeah, Israel gets on Twitter and talks shit That's crazy that you hit him with one fucking ouchy and like oh my god, please stop This is the worst thing that's ever happened. Who runs through Twitter? I don't know. That's it's like some like chicks or some shit. Biden's Twitter is going crazy. I'm sure when little nuts, dude, why are they doing that? Let him go. I'm

you see his I'm sick tweet. Yes. Of blah, blah, blah. What a fucking crazy move. I mean, he's demented, dude. I thought he was really coming to grips with like, I thought he was like, which, you know, I guess that was their whole play, but it's like, I'm going to use accusations of dementia to be like, check out my fucking. Please give me more money. It's like, dude, what? Yeah, they he like did a whole like review

of Trump's thing. And it's just, yeah, obviously a twenty year old tweeting folks. Yeah. Come on. Listen. Mark you up there.

I mean, I wish him the best of luck. If he really sees this thing through, man, that's going to be nuts, dude. Like I think, I think, I don't think I'm like fucking extreme, but like,

if Biden got shot, I wouldn't be like, good, fuck that asshole. Fucking loser. No, like terrible. I felt bad watching the debate. It's like, dude, this is fucked up. Like this guy's fucked in the head. And then fucking Trump get shot and all the they then start freaking out. Yeah,

well, they had to do that thing. First of all, it's like they're the ones now being guns. They're just like never the thing. Oh, you don't have to. It's just funny because like they in order to they have to either show Trump sympathy or become Conspiracy theorists, which they like disavow. It's called blue and I mean, are you familiar? I've heard of blue nine. Yeah I mean they were using so many tools and it's just funny to watch them trapped by their own tools It is making me laugh. It happens every fucking

time kovid my body my choice Rovi way they try it someone is setting them up for just logic owns on themselves constantly. And that's the thing. You know,

you know, lives lives are going to get owned by

the champion themselves, bro. Well, I mean, they're denying a shooter, which is a no, no, I know. You can't do that. It was obviously staged. I

do. I for real. I like entertaining the thought myself and I just kept thinking about it. I'm like, dude, I don't know how you pull that off because they're going to freedom of information act. All the Dems are going to. They wanted to be fake, so they're going to have to try to prove it was fake. Russia,

Russia, Russia all over again. Did you see the

fucking one guy's email to the, uh, the, so the founder of LinkedIn, his political, Just tell

me about this. I was telling you. Yeah. What

is it? His top political advisor was just like at nighttime messaging journalists like guys. We have to ask the question. Like this is a I know it's terrible to think about, but this is a common play with Putin did it and tooth. Whatever he said. Two third 1999 or whatever. I don't know 2004. Putin did it. This is like Hamas does false flags. It's not without we got to like see if this could be a Trump false flag basically being like he's in leagues with Putin and Hamas. It's just a mass and Trump. Trump Putin Hamas. They're the only guys that are doing false flags. Dude, that's the thing. That That's the thing. It's like, dude, you're going to call false flags. Yeah, I mean, Bill, Bill, I hear you.

If you want to keep YouTube on his monetization, I don't know if it's still like this, but you have to say FF. During when Q was hot, they would say FF. Well, they didn't get demotitized. He

did. He like put the email at one of those one of his journalist buddies leaked the email. Obviously, it this guy's wilding and he had to come out and be like I wasn't approved by my team I deeply apologize for it's like

dude you're getting wild just get fucking wild. Do your job dude. The best is people are getting harassed like there's people who like work at Lowe's in Home Depot and they'll be on Facebook like I wish they would have shot Trump and like guys are going to Home Depot and filming like 56 year old ladies like show you what the president thought you think that's cool. You think political violence is cool. I'm at my job, sir Yeah, it's really sad the state of affairs is truly sad you must not watch the RNC bro Yeah, you watch that you go. That's cool. We're back No,

that's cool. I'm talking about rolling up to Lowe's to like attack a 50 year old lady and be like, say it again, bitch. Say it again. Yeah,

of course. Talking about DJT to my fucking face. Yeah, that's my president. Yeah. The, uh, the thing that's really weird though with the crowd strike tanking is they were in charge of the servers from the DNC. Do you remember that? That's how they got hacked by Russia. So CrowdStrike is the people who had the servers that Trump was trying to get to, which he alluded to in the perfect phone call to Vladimir Erzelinsky. Do you remember the perfect phone call? No, it's the perfect phone call. The thing that he got in trouble for and there was the Russia investigation because he called Ukraine and was like, I want to know what the fuck's going on. Yeah. It's the perfect phone call. Why do you call it? He didn't say anything. It was a perfect phone call according to Trump, but crowd strikes fucking weird as shit because they were denying FBI access to the fucking servers. So like the FBI was trying to get in the servers and crowd strike was like, no, and you know what the company where it crowd strikes from the Ukraine. What? Bro, Bill. This crowd, I mean, Trump gets shot. They miss. They short his stock. And then a few days later, all their shit goes down. And CrowdStrike is one of the people that were out to get Trump in the 2016 election. And then helps the old. Oh, their

servers are down now. I see what you're saying. Well,

CrowdStrike is a fucking company that like runs all the shit. So like they got a fucking allegedly it was like someone did some update that fucked up. But I don't know, dude. Just deleting some. I

think it was. No, they probably hired the guy who was watching Epstein in his cell and he had a new job. He's like, God damn it. I fucked up again. I thought I was supposed to update. Oh, I can't get this right, dude. I keep missing my big opportunities.

Yeah, it's just real weird because all that shit's tied into like the Austin wealth management company that shorted Trump stock and fucking crowd strikes wild it like I heard that name. I completely forgot, but it's back in like 2016 pizza gate error. Fucking Russian collusion all has to do with crowd strike and their bad actors, bro. Yeah,

they got it. Chill. You guys in Russia, dude, you'll

hear about you'll hear about it in five years. Like the stolen election and the fake vaccines are that you know, I heard that next year's next year's news today. I watched your boy Jones on Tim Dillon. Oh, it was great. That was wild. My boy is he's swigging vodka? He's on vacation. Is he chugging vodka in that? Tito's. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uncle Tito's in the morning. Ripping six chugging, chugging. He's all vacant. bro. He's just hanging. Why did he cover the screen to chug the vodka? What'd he blur? Yeah. He put his hand over the lens and then chug vodka. Oh, maybe because he did once to see people watch him swig vodka. Then he would like put the bottle down and go, Oh, puke. Like, he was drunk. He wasn't like with all of his faculty. So he just covered the screen and let go. There's just a bottle of Tita. That's fucking nuts. I didn't know he ripped six like that. Well, I mean, when he's on vacation, I fucking ripped six yesterday. How

many six you smoke bro?

I smoked two sigs yesterday in probably one of the best days of my life. Oh shit. Yeah, what happened? Terra, the company I do work for, Terra Firma, they had their golf outing at the Squires Club up in Ambler PA and dude, I mean, what a fucking, it is dudes only, chicks aren't allowed there. There's no chicks working there, there's nothing, it's just old me dudes, clubhouse and a golf thing. So we went, you had dudes only. Yeah. It was dudes only. That's it. My life. You get dog piled up, they pile on you at the clubhouse. So you go there, you eat lunch. He did have a little limp. I watched it when he was playing with his Pomeranian. I have a fucked up foot, dude. Jesus Christ. What happened to your foot? I fucked it up a while ago. And it was a bone bruise. Worse than a break. Some say, dude, sometimes sometimes those

things you can get a you'll get those like calcified over and it'll be like a source. But I had a sore spot in my arm for like I need some help. Five years, dude, I get hurt. Yeah, they fucking hurt. If you get a contusion, you can calcify over the contusion. You get like a bruise trapped under a bone. It's really weird.

I have one of those on my ankle. Do you really? It's gigantic, yeah. Yeah, but we fucking. On foosball? No, I don't know what it was from. Yeah, I mean, it was when I was playing football. Yeah, I got an MRI from my knee and they're like, you have a tumor on your leg.

Damn. They're like,

actually, it's just under a bane. Yep. Anyway, that's good stuff. We played, fuck we all have that. We played golf and then afterwards he had a three pound lobster in filet and shit. It was fucking awesome. And then I went home. What'd you shoot? Oh horribly. It was best ball for some balls. And then the caddy, the caddy informed me that my clubs are too short. You did not have the best balls at the gosh. We use a few of my shots. It's my six time plan. So I mean, really, I need some help.

What are you? Are you more driver putter? Oh, dude, I'm horrible

at driving like so so so bad. It makes me want to fucking quit, but I'm nasty with the chip. Dude, that's crazy. That's my, that's my strength as well. I think it's a lot of people's strength because the, the driving so hard, it's fucking impossible. Yeah.

I think the experts say you're supposed to hit the ball as hard as you possibly can and just break your teeth. Yeah. Yeah. You're

supposed to take a little hop step. You go, you go, Hey, everyone watch happy Gilmore. Yeah. We miss it. Everything's very counterintuitive, but they were awfully pumped up about Shane, and his kill Tony appearance. Oh, nice. Oh, yeah. That thing's going brazy. Yeah, it is. Antonio Brown likes it. That's all that matters. Yeah. Antonio Brown gave you cracker the day. And the other one I was, I was double awarded black guy the day. Yeah. You are the. Oh, I just opened my Twitter and he said he called somebody the faggot of the month. Who got it? CTS. I don't know some guy named Frankie. Priel. He's he commented underneath him. No one likes you. He said. month. He's unstoppable. He is unstoppable. That video of him in fucking Dubai is insane. We defended him. What do you mean? The Dubai video. What about? She was laughing. They were having fun. They were having fun. He took his penis out. It's a funny prank to play amongst friends. Yeah, I didn't think it was. He didn't like, I don't know. Whatever. Something that I did. Me and a be your boys did always ball. Let's not bring that up. Oh,

that judge a man by his darkest moment. Did you

see his dick in the video? I like this monsters that thing. He flopped it out of the water. He's been using the service got the wheel. Yeah, he's been using the wheel. He's got the wheel big time.

I made a vow to myself when I get out of the pool now, I don't adjust my bathing suit. I mean, that's like release tension. Now I'm like, no, just this is what it is.

Yeah, just like a fucking step one step one of having

a confident, sexy dad mod is like you got to show the tinnitus at all times as well. Yeah,

I mean, that the only people who do that you and like seventh graders who are unaware that you can see they're

fully adult sized penis and somehow that put

on their body. It was the same size. really good, you know, I think it's a really good, you

know, I think it's a really good, you know, you you know, know, I think think you know, I think it's a really good, you know, I think it's a really You might be embellishable. I think

you said three fingers. What? No, it's just no, no, no. They call me sad. We

should call him. We should call him sad. They claim seven inches. No, it was insane. It was like a fucking you

still make out. No, no. There's not still a thick valley whatsoever. It's just an insane story because we all slept in a row in our beds. Like, so it was each bed. And they just like asked me if something like chick tock me. I was like, yeah, she saw my dick. Like, they're like, how do you know how big your dick is? And I was like, I thought it'd be weird to say, I measured it. So I was like, Oh, well, she had her cell phone next to it. And then I measured the cell phone and the cell phones like seven inches bigger than that What kind of bonus you have I was fucking crazy an iPad yeah, it was I was I was like 2001 I was literally eighth grade. They were just hammering me about the size of my penis where I was going to sleep Dick dude, it's complete psychological warfare every night. Yes. fucking free talk brothers before you go to bed just be like Oh Yeah, I've been I've been in the we're doing the writers room for tires and And when I'm there, I put Gurbie's in the blender every day. I mean, I'm just, I got to chill. I'm fucking, well, we got him and DeRosa in the writers room. Oh God. So DeRosa is usually getting the brunt of it, but every once in a while I'll get Gurbie's. I got Gurbie's so bad this week. So when I threw that first pitch in the Phillies game, when I got back to our seats, the first thing Gurbie said to me, everyone else was like, great job, that was awesome. Garvey's was like, well, you got it there. And I was like, you fucking piece of shit, dude, you could never do that. And he was like, yes, I could. I could do that. I throw all the time. How'd you get him in the blender? Well, I've been bringing that up constantly. I've been like, dude, that was actually like fucked up. You said that it was a good pitch That was that you can't throw it hard. You couldn't do it and he's like, I know I couldn't do it I was just joking around. I was like you weren't joking you were serious and he's like, no, I wasn't and then whole occasionally be like But I could you know, so then I've been I've been talking to our agent Matthew and I've been trying to set up gurb into throwing opening pitch please and I think I might actually get it and I told him about it. He had a panic attack And he was like, I'm fucking sorry. I didn't mean it. I was like well, don't worry now, you know it now And I keep hitting with the fucking we don't want war. We've seen war But if you want war with me, I'm gonna do it. What? These are you? These are you got in my head and as well. These are who's being serious. That wasn't even a fucking side. He's just hit him with a straight up. Dude, you're actually mean. He was like, you're mean now. What the fuck? He's like, damn, he's my bad. Immediately got in his head. Yeah, of course. He said I was mean. It's impossible not stop fucking with someone though I do it all the time. I wasn't even fucking with bees. I Know what that was funny. The if he if bees held on to that sigh up it would get me obviously dude

Calling someone like yeah, we're just fucking me now dude.

Yeah, hit me with the fucking you've changed while we were out That's a nice one. He hit you with your own dude. Yeah, with an absolute fuck. He was being genuine though. Oh man. Well he was shitfaced and I had to come to terms with that. He was just mad because I was like get the fuck up. He sat in that seat and yeah whatever. He just couldn't get in there man. He ate one bite of a chicken wing and was out all night. Yeah, Beezer eats like a rat that gets caught eating dude. It's like a chicken wing and a half and that's it. He did with a coin. of a sandwich.

I ate Carolina Reaper wing last night, dude. Where? You did. Fucked me up. Yeah, we just went out and got barbecue and I was like, yeah, I'll try your hottest one. And it like,

dude. That's fun. You're on TRT, bro. That's TRT. You're definitely on TRT Matt Matt. You're obviously on TRT That's the RT your hottest one. I want to feel pain. You're too Jack. Honestly, don't flex your fucking traps. It looks like that ever again. I saw you. I think exactly you're not even flexing

You're just on TRT Nice dry Asian and then not even trying dude. I do it as a form of worship, man. That's all it is. Worship

is for Christ. Okay. And

Jack for Christ. Were you out when you ate the Carolina Reaper pepper? Yeah, man. I was out. And I started like, I had like sweat coming down my neck. I got, it kind of like gets you a little bit fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Like a little loopy. It's a poison dude.

Speaking of sweat. I I did that fucking show at helium bro. They need to fix that fucking AC. I guess I was on last, I got on stage and I was one minute into my set soaked. I went to like move my hair out of my fucking, I went to move my hair. It was just, I parted my hair with sweat. Slick hair. Oh,

yeah. Yeah. What's up, bro? Drop in the eight drop in the. Yeah. Let's

get some ACV

system on that roof. The mini splits are not made for that. Yeah. They threw in five, four or five mini splits rather than just switching the goddamn nothing.

Nothing causes a bomb more than being drenched. It's the word.

Nobody had nobody had those fucking.

Like any fans that they did. I mean, you can see the crowd doing it with like food menus menu. And I was like, oh, damn, this, this is never gonna work. It's where you cut your teeth. Yeah, it is

literally them showing you they're not enjoying themselves. Yeah. As you're trying to do stand up. Yeah,

I was like, I was dripping sweat within a minute sweat more,

which sucks.

Yeah. And I was like, is it the hottest fucking here? And the whole crowd was like, yes, this sucks. I was like, all right, let's hurry this up then. I

get worried about the crowd being tired at late shows. I'm like, they're so tired. They're

not. So they're not tired. It's the only way they're tired is if it's hot. Yeah,

true. That's true. I did a Thursday night late show. I was like, this is kind of greedy towards the end of it. I was like, I didn't have to do this. Poor guys. It's Thursday late. Yeah. There's a late to greedy. That's a sleepy group. Exactly.

Don't worry. Even if you spill that on the couch, you can take off each individual. It's empty. But I'm just saying, even if you did, you could take off each individual cover and wash it if you want to. What's the couch called? A love sack? Love sack's action. It's awesome. It's suck, cock, putting together. It was the same thing over and over. I had to carry all the fucking pieces out. Each piece comes in a different fucking box. By yourself? Yes. There weren't any guys with you? No. Why?