The Side Effects of Antipsychotic Medication

i take a five psychiatric medications a day, and the side effects are extremely punishing. One of the reasons why i write so much is because i live with the constant sense of, you know, my rational mind knows that i am better medicated. I cannot be unmedicated again, ecause i'll just ruin my life again. There's a powerful, powerful thing baked into many people's mania that like, when you're going up, this is the state that you are meant to be. This is your real self. So writing, for me, is always a process of self definition, because i want the right to be able to determine who i am in a way that