Intergenerational Patterns: Recognizing Attachment Wounds

Discover how trauma lives in the body—and how the vagus nerve, nervous system shutdown, and somatic healing explain why stillness can feel unsafe. Through the Biology of Trauma® lens, Dr. Aimie shares the trauma response sequence and the Essential Sequence needed to heal stored trauma without overwhelm.

If we've ever felt like we can't stop moving—like sitting still feels unsafe—this episode helps us understand why. I share Jess's story, a 45-year-old marketing director whose chronic busyness protected her from an 8-year-old's stored terror. When her 17-year-old daughter said, "Mom, we never really got to be together," Jess knew something had to change.

We'll explore how nervous system dysregulation shows up as high-functioning exhaustion, emotional disconnection, and perfectionism. We'll see how trauma becomes biology—and why our body holds on until it feels safe enough to let go.

In this episode you'll learn:

• [00:00] Why a "good childhood" doesn't guarantee a nervous system free of trauma

• [02:15] How Jess's busyness, weight gain, and exhaustion were signs of stored trauma

• [06:40] Why stillness feels unsafe when the body equates pausing with overwhelm

• [09:10] Thinking vs feeling: how living in your head blocks somatic trauma healing

• [12:45] The real definition of trauma: overwhelm inside the body, not just events

• [16:05] Startle → stress → freeze → shutdown: the trauma response sequence in the nervous system

• [18:40] How the vagus nerve turns overwhelm into a whole-body shutdown response

• [21:20] Overwhelm as biology: fatigue, gut issues, emotional eating, and chronic anxiety

• [24:05] Why somatic work can retraumatize you if you don't feel safe first

• [26:30] The essential safety sequence: safety → support → growth into calm aliveness

• [28:15] How Jess used the Foundational Journey to break the cycle with her daughter

Main Takeaways:

• Trauma Happens Inside the Body: Trauma isn't defined by events—it's what happens inside of us when overwhelm outpaces our capacity to cope.

• Overwhelm Is Trauma Biology: When the size of the problems we face feels bigger than our resources, our nervous system shifts from stress into trauma—leading to freeze, shutdown, and hopelessness.

• Chronic Busyness and Perfectionism Can Be Functional Freeze: What looks like overachieving may actually be a protective response. Our body may be using busyness to avoid stored pain.

• The Vagus Nerve Makes Trauma Physical: It carries the signal of shutdown throughout our system—leading to fatigue, gut issues, disconnection, and a loss of aliveness.

• We Must Follow the Same Path Out That We Took In: Skipping straight to calm never works. True healing follows this path: Safety → Support → Expansion.

• Healing Breaks Generational Patterns: Jess's journey shows what becomes possible when we regulate our nervous system and choose presence over protection.

"Trauma isn't what happened to us—it's what happened inside of us".

"Busyness kept me safe. It kept me from drowning in emotions I couldn't process".

"We have to follow the same path that our body took."

"Our body holds its truth. Our mind tells us what it wants us to hear."

"Safety first, then Support, then Expansion. You cannot skip the sequence."

"Our body needs safety to come out of shutdown. Until we create that, it will stay closed."

Trauma isn't about what happened—it's about what overwhelmed our nervous system and pushed it into survival mode. Chronic busyness, perfectionism, and emotional disconnection are often signs our body is still trying to protect us. But when we follow the Essential Sequence—Safety, then Support, then Expansion—we can safely access and resolve what our body has been holding. Healing becomes possible when our body finally knows it's safe to feel, to rest, and to be present.

• Take the Attachment Pain Quiz: Discover your attachment patterns and how they show up in your nervous system

• Attachment Trauma Healing Roadmap: Get your personalized roadmap for healing attachment wounds

• Foundational Journey - If you are ready to create your inner safety and shift your nervous system, join me and my team for this 6 week journey of practical somatic and mind-body inner child practices. Lay your foundation to do the deeper work safely and is the pre-requisite for becoming a Biology of Trauma® professional.

• Episode 36: How to Integrate Somatic and Parts Work Part 2: Mind-Body Dialog Questions with Dr. Aimie Apigian

• Episode 37: How to Integrate Somatic and Parts Work Part 2: Mind-Body Dialog Questions with Dr. Aimie Apigian

Your host: Dr. Aimie Apigian, double board-certified physician (Preventive/Addiction Medicine) with master's degrees in biochemistry and public health, and author of the national bestselling book "The Biology of Trauma" (foreword by Gabor Maté) that transforms our understanding of how the body experiences and holds trauma. After foster-adopting a child during medical school sparked her journey, she desperately sought for answers that would only continue as she developed chronic health issues. Through her practitioner training, podcast, YouTube channel, and international speaking, she bridges functional medicine, attachment and trauma therapy, facilitating accelerated repair of trauma's impact on the mind, body and biology.

Disclaimer: By listening to this podcast, you agree not to use this podcast as medical, psychological, or mental health advice to treat any medical or psychological condition in yourself or others. This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your own physician, therapist, psychiatrist, or other qualified health provider regarding any physical or mental health issues you may be experiencing.

Comment Etiquette: I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Please share and use your name or initials so that we can keep this space spam-free and the discussion positive😌