2min chapter

The Gray Area with Sean Illing cover image

Best of: Alison Gopnik changed how I think about love

The Gray Area with Sean Illing

CHAPTER

The Gardener or the Carpenter Approach to Parenting?

In some ways I regret using that title because then what happened was there were a zillion parenting blogs that said, which style do you have? Should you be a gardener or a car? Yeah, exactly. So maybe why don't we start with the what do you, what is a gardener and what is a carpenter in terms of your book. Well, this was such an influential point in your book for me. But the idea that if you're trying to shape who your child becomes too much, you're actually cutting against the evolutionary purpose of children. It's not a failure that your child didn't become the little you or the perfected you that you were trying to be

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