Post-discovery: 'I can't adult' and spiky competence

Discovering you’re ADHD later in life can be a profound and disorienting experience—especially when it means re-examining your relationships, identity, and even your sense of self. For many ADHD adults, the post-diagnosis journey brings unique challenges and unexpected waves of both relief and shame.

In this episode, Patrick Casale and Dr. Megan Anna Neff, two AuDHD mental health professionals, discuss the post-discovery experience of ADHD, both independent of or including an Autism diagnosis, exploring how ADHD can impact self-perception, partnerships, and daily living. Drawing from their own stories and clinical expertise, Patrick and Megan Anna reflect on internalized ableism, common misconceptions, relationship dynamics, and the emotionally complex reality of integrating an Autistic and ADHD (AuDHD) identity.

Top 3 reasons to listen to the entire episode:

1. Gain a compassionate, firsthand perspective on the emotional aftermath of discovering you’re ADHD as an adult—including how shame, self-acceptance, and relief can intermingle in unexpected ways.
2. Understand the nuanced impact of ADHD traits on relationships, from struggles with contentment and impulsivity to the important role of neurotype-informed partnership accommodations.
3. Hear honest discussion about the societal framing of ADHD and Autism for AuDHDers, internalized stigma, and the lifelong process of making peace with the challenging (and sometimes conflicting) aspects of a dual-neurotype identity.

If you’re navigating your own late-in-life ADHD discovery—or supporting someone who is—this episode offers insight, validation, and real talk about what it means to live and grow as an ADHD adult.

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Thanks to Our Sponsor: Landmark College Success Center & Jane

✨ Landmark College Success Center

Landmark College Success Center, located in San Mateo, California, provides academic support, executive function coaching, and transition-to-college skills training for neurodiverse learners, both in-person and online. A subsidiary of Landmark College (landmark.edu) – the world’s first and foremost college for neurodivergent students – the Success Center is equipped to put you or your student on the path to success. Learn more at landmark.edu/successcenter.

✨ Jane:

Jane is a practice management software and EMR that helps you balance caring for clients while growing your business. Co-founded by a multidisciplinary clinic owner and a developer with an eye for design, it’s built to fit the way that you work, supporting your practice as it grows and evolves. 

Jane helps with day-to-day admin, like scheduling, documentation, and billing, so you can stay focused on the care you give. Jane was built with clients in mind, too. With online booking and secure online appointments (telehealth), your care stays accessible and easy to keep up with.

To learn more about Jane, book a demo for a one-on-one, no-pressure chat with a lovely member of their team. Or, if you’re ready to sign up, enjoy a 2-month grace period on your new account with code DCPOD.

Sign up here: janesoftware.partnerlinks.io/divergentconversations

✨ Neurodivergent Insights Autistic Burnout Resources

If you’d like to supplement your learning on burnout, you can check out Neurodivergent Insights' resources on burnout. We have articles, an Autistic Burnout course, workbooks, and print books! Visit: neurodivergentinsights.com/burnout-resources

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💬 Join Divergent Conversations Underground

Divergent Conversations Underground is a space for messy conversations, real connection, and unfinished thoughts in a neurodivergent-affirming community. If you’d like to go deeper with us into more nuanced, searching conversations, join here: divergentconversations.substack.com

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Mentioned in this episode:

Jane

Jane is a clinic management software and EMR designed to be an extra set of helping hands in your health and wellness business. Available online and on any device, Jane has branded online booking, scheduling, insurance billing, customizable documentation templates and online forms, integrated payments, telehealth, and more — wrapped up in one beautiful package that even your patients/clients will love. Backed by our unlimited human support available by phone, email, and chat (even on Saturdays!), Jane is here to help you get back to the work you love. Get 2 months off new Jane subscriptions when you use code DCPOD at signup. Visit: https://janesoftware.partnerlinks.io/divergentconversations

Neurodivergent Insights' Autistic Burnout Resources

If you’d like to supplement your learning on burnout, you can check out Neurodivergent Insights' resources on burnout. We have articles, an Autistic Burnout course, workbooks, and print books! Visit: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/burnout-resources

Landmark College Success Center

Landmark College Success Center, located in San Mateo, California, provides academic support, executive function coaching, and transition-to-college skills training for neurodiverse learners, both in-person and online. A subsidiary of Landmark College (landmark.edu) – the world’s first and foremost college for neurodivergent students – the Success Center is equipped to put you or your student on the path to success. Learn more at landmark.edu/successcenter.