Other people are fear of disappointing them, or in this case, their lack of fear over spreading a virus. You are allowed to stay home when you have a stomach bug. By the way, you are allowed to stay home for any reason. Actually, you're allowed to break traditions or to start your own. And that is easy to say when it's not your mother-in-law. And I do mean your mother-in-law because I have two, and both of them are absolutely wonderful angels, and I sometimes feel bad that I can't relate when other people have mother-in-law horror stories. Oh, I'm sorry. It would be easier if people just respected you and your wishes right up front. But it's not always that simple. And because I have historically had very weak, very porous, basically non-existent boundaries, I called in a friend who literally wrote the book of boundaries. Really, that's what it's called. My name is Melissa Urban. I'm the whole 30 co-founder and CEO. That's what I'm best known for. And I've been helping people set and hold healthy boundaries around food and drink and table talk for the last 13 years. And most recently, I have authored the book of boundaries, which came out in October. And that's what we're here to talk about today. One of the key components of your boundary work is the green, yellow, red system. Will you please explain that? Yes. So my boundary philosophy is that I want you to go in with the minimum effort required to get the effect that you want to get. So ideally, you're going in with the gentlest, kindest boundary you can possibly share. It's still clear, but it's so kind. And it's just assuming that the other person didn't realize that you had a limit and doesn't want to overstep it. And once you communicate, it will be happy to respect it. That's your green boundary language. If they push back or if they forget and you need to escalate that language, I give you yellow verbiage. This is more direct. It's still kind, but it's saying, hey, this is a serious limit that I have. And these are the steps that I'm willing to take to keep myself safe and healthy. If they continue to purposefully disrespect your limit, then you've got red boundary language. And this is the boundary itself. It is the action, the consequence that you are going to take in the face of this person's just blatant disrespect at this point. But I always want you to start off in the green going in just as gently as possible. I like that. I like the assumption that other people mean well, that we all mean well, that we're all doing our best. But the holidays are also an extremely stressful time for so many people, for so many people. And so I'm hoping you can give us some green, yellow, red examples of real boundary setting that some of our listeners have needed. Yes, I'm ready. And I'm going to start out with one that is a doozy. I have to read it with a straight face because it is real. My mother-in-law doesn't believe that I have the stomach flu and called me to force me to come to Christmas, even though I am sick to my stomach and so contagious, I will eventually infect the rest of my family. What do I do in this situation? This is wild. However, I have heard some wild stories, so I'm not necessarily shocked or surprised. I'm assuming that this could be answered very simply with, hey, Barbara, I have explosive diarrhea, so I'll call you tomorrow. That could be like the simplest boundary, but that's not really what we're talking about here, honestly. What we're going to do is use this example to help people who are struggling with the idea of expectations from other people in their family that do not align with what they themselves want for their family during the holidays. So let's kind of extrapolate this out beyond that. I'm really sick and into that kind of territory. So if anyone gilts you for not showing up the way that they want you to show up, I want you to remember that you also deserve the holidays that you want. You should put yourself on the list of people who should have a happy jolly holiday season, and I would recommend you putting yourself at the top of that list, especially if you now have your own family. So your first step here is to decide as a family. So whether that's just you by yourself or you and your spouse or partner or you and your partner and your kids, if applicable, what you want your holidays to look like. And I want you to be really specific. This is a step that I think a lot of people skip. They just go straight to what other people want from me. Where do they expect me to show up?