What Closes the Gap Between Stated and Lived Spirituality?

Peter dropped his nets because jesus captured his heart, awoke in him this sleepy longing for the most ancient story we found. But then somewhere along the way, that inspiration wore off and some kind of boredom grew up within him as he walked behind jesus. The crisis of the cross saw words coming from peter's mouth that he never thought he would say,. Back to fishing, back to that fragile sense of identity and security that i built for myself. Because the identity that god gave me doesn't feel sure or true any more. Not now, not any more.