Self-compassion as the core tool

Perfectionism often looks like ambition, discipline, and excellence until it quietly turns into anxiety, burnout, and relentless self-criticism. In this episode, I’m joined by Jordana Confino, former Yale-trained lawyer turned coach, to talk about the cost of maladaptive perfectionism and why so many high-achieving professionals mistake self-criticism for motivation. We dive into the difference between sustainable excellence and fear-driven overachievement, the neuroscience behind why beating yourself up actually hurts performance, and what it really takes to move from being your own worst enemy to becoming your most effective ally. Tune in if you’re ready to achieve more with less self-punishment.

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In this Episode, You Will Learn

00:00 What does maladaptive perfectionism look like in anxious achievers?

04:30 How perfectionism becomes a strategy for proving worth.

11:00 What’s the difference between maladaptive perfectionism and sustainable excellence?

15:15 How self-criticism harms performance at a neurological level.

17:00 Why perfectionist lawyers report lower ambition.

21:00 What psychological safety teaches us about mistakes and growth.

27:00 How law school culture amplifies perfectionism and anxiety.

31:00 Why billable hours reward inefficiency and burnout.

36:45 Why perfectionists often struggle with productivity and time management.

40:00 The most powerful tool for anxious achievers.

46:00 How neuroplasticity makes lasting change possible.

50:00 Can self-criticism ever be useful motivation?

55:45 Why the best leaders tolerate short-term discomfort to prevent burnout.

59:30 The invisible cage anxious achievers build for themselves.

Resources + Links

Jordana Confino's study "The Perfectionist Paradox."

Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever

Watch the podcast on YouTube 

Find more resources on our website morraam.com

Follow

Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam

Follow Jordana on LinkedIn: @jordanaconfino