How to Be Compassionate and Curious About Yourself

This is a rebroadcast. The episode originally ran in October 2020. Jody Moore is a master certified life coach, well known as the host of the Better Than Happy podcast and for her live events and online coaching program, Be Bold. She also has a BA in Communications and an MA in Adult Education along with 15 years of experience as a corporate trainer and leadership coach. Jody and her husband live in Spokane, Washington, and are the parents of four children. Highlights 9:00 We hear counsel or advice and immediately see where others could use it. 11:10 We have an idea of what the "right way to be" looks like for certain roles that people fill in our lives. 12:00 Expectations are premeditated disappointment. We create manuals for others and are disappointed when they don't follow those rules. 14:00 We lose our own authority for ourselves when we blame others for our thoughts and emotions; instead we can get to compassion by recognizing they are imperfect people doing their best. 15:30 The Atonement has two parts: the saving part, and the strengthening and enabling part; we can access that strengthening and enabling power. 17:00 We are punishing ourselves and it doesn't change the other person; we also then unconsciously mirror them and we end up "doing it wrong", and that's what feels terrible. 19:30 How to recognize when you default to these negative thoughts: Examine yourself instead of others. What am I doing that might be similar to what they're doing? In what way am I doing the very thing that I'm judging this person for? 21:45 Next we start to judge ourselves. Recognize that sometimes we are also imperfect. When we can do that for ourselves, we get better at doing it for other people. 23:20 The adversary helps us take the gospel and turn it into part of our manual, and then we judge others by it, driving a wedge between us. We should look at the gospel and counsel for ourselves, not others. 27:00 David O. McKay quote: "The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better." Susan Easton Black quote: When I go to church, I go to take the sacrament. That part's for me. But everything else, I go there thinking, What am I bringing? What can I give to other people? 29:15 Sometimes we take the principle of obedience too far; obedience should not come at the expense of our own integrity and relationship with Jesus Christ. 30:10 Be clear about the difference between the gospel and the people. If you want to believe and sustain your leaders, that is enough. The Lord will work with you where you are. 31:40 Giving people permission to be themselves. Sometimes we can manipulate people to be what we want, but then they aren't really who they are. 33:10 What if our only expectation is that they be themselves? 34:25 We can make requests of people, but it becomes a problem when we hang our emotions on whether or not they do it. 36:40 We don't need more people who are like us. We need people who think differently than we do. 38:00 We can define our own success, keeping our expectations to ourselves and holding ourselves to them because others are outside our control. 40:40 When you are the leader, you can start to wonder what others expect of you and become a people pleaser. 42:10 We step into our best version of ourselves as leaders when we try to be ourselves instead of trying to live up to the expectations of others. 44:00 Managing up: you can make a request of the person above you to try or change things. 45:00 Have boundaries and don't allow mistreatment, but don't take it too far and have expectations that diminish the quality of your life and relationships. 48:00 If you want to do something differently, do it now, wherever you are. Example story of people asking a farmer about the people in the town. You will find whatever you are looking for. Links JodyMoore.com Better Than Happy: Expectation Pain Leading Others to be Better Than Happy | An Interview with Jody Moore Mental Health & Youth | An Interview with Jo...