Emotional Costs of Extra Work

Ado (33) and Gabby (32) are exhausted by a cycle they can’t seem to escape: getting into credit card debt, paying it off, and then ending up right back where they started. Now, with $44,000 in credit card balances, student loans on both sides, and an $1,800 monthly daycare bill, they feel one setback away from losing everything.

Ado’s avoidant, live-in-the-moment approach clashes with Gabby’s desire for structure and long-term security. Both come from financially chaotic childhoods, and those old patterns are replaying in their marriage. They dream of moving to Europe and building stability for their young daughter—but can they break the cycle that’s defined their entire relationship?

This episode asks: What will it take for them to finally stop the spiral and create a plan that lasts?

In this episode we uncover:

• Why Ado and Gabby keep finding themselves back in credit card debt

• How their “dance” of overspending, working extra, and then trying to catch up has cost them thousands

• The emotional toll on Gabby as she tries to break a cycle that feels unsustainable

• Why Ramit pushes them to examine their spending through the lens of their daughter watching and learning their habits

• Taking apart their monthly budget line by line

• The $170 date nights, lattes, Costco trips, and Target runs that add up

• Gabby’s realization that overspending isn’t just about Ado

• Ado’s upbringing as a Bosnian refugee, and how frugality, scarcity, and parental sacrifice shaped his desire to enjoy life

• How childhood experiences continue to shape Gabby’s budgeting, anxiety, and need for security today

• How both partners absorb social norms around spending and treat exhaustion as a justification for impulse purchases

• The truth about using their savings account as a checking account

• The staggering $3,075/month they spend on debt payments

• Their dream of moving to Europe being pushed back year after year

• The emotional rupture of realizing one missed paycheck could destabilize everything they’ve built

Chapters:

(00:00:00) “We never tell ourselves no”

(00:17:24) “It’s not just about paying off debt”

(00:33:21) Ramit breaks down their numbers

(00:48:21) “I feel like it gives me comfort”

(01:02:26) “Money was a weapon”

(01:12:53) “Denial lasts a week, vision lasts a lifetime”

(01:32:00) “Nobody making this much should have credit card debt”

(01:36:45) Where are they now? Ado and Gabby’s follow-ups

This episode is brought to you by:

Aura Frames | Use promo code RAMIT to get $35 off the best-selling Carver Mat frames at https://auraframes.com

Masterclass | Get up to 50% off Masterclass during the holiday season at https://masterclass.com/ramit

Facet | Facet is waiving their $250 enrollment fee for new annual members, and for my audience, Facet is offering $300 into your brokerage account if you invest and maintain $5,000 within your first 90 days. Head to https://facet.com/ramit to learn more about which membership option is best for you. Offer expires December 31, 2025

Fabric by Gerber Life | Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit

Wildgrain | Get $30 off the first box — PLUS free Croissants in every box — at https://wildgrain.com/ramit

Links mentioned in this episode

• Join my event “Becoming Time Rich” on December 18th at 8pm ET. Register at https://iwt.com/timerich

Connect with Ramit

• Get my new book, Money For Couples

• Get Money Coaching with Ramit

• Download the Conscious Spending Plan

• Listen to my book—now on Audible

• Get my New York Times best-selling book

• Get my no-numbers journal

• Other episodes

• Instagram

• Twitter

• YouTube

If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.