Relationships aren't just like an emotional bank account, they're a bit more like an emotional investment firm. Have you ever invested a hundred dollars of effort into a relationship and found it only made one deposit in to the relationship bank account? That's the fool's bargain. You put in the effort, but not only do you not get the result you want, it actually makes the relationship worse. The key to the difference is understanding the other person. It's understanding what the salt is to them. If there is a super power in this world, it is the ability to understand what is essential in any situation. And that sort of precision understanding leads to precision action.