Connecting for Change: Men's Community in Recovery

In this powerful episode of the Dad Edge Podcast, I sit down with Chandler Rogers—founder of the Relay app and a man on a mission to help men break free from pornography and reclaim deep connection. Chandler shares his raw personal story as a new dad, a husband navigating the fog of sleep deprivation, and a man who turned his own struggle with porn into a platform that has already helped over 5,000 men heal.

This conversation isn’t just about addiction—it’s about isolation, shame, leadership, and stepping into the masculine role your family needs. Chandler reveals the emotional spiral that so many husbands silently endure and how one vulnerable conversation with his wife brought them closer than ever. We talk about why porn is not the real issue, how to lead with emotional clarity, and what it means to truly be seen by your partner.

If you’ve ever struggled with secret shame, felt alone in your role as a dad or husband, or craved deeper intimacy and purpose, this episode will show you you’re not broken—just unfinished. Real healing starts with connection.

TIMELINE SUMMARY

[0:00] - Welcome to the Dad Edge and today’s focus: breaking the shame cycle

[3:09] - Becoming a father: sleep deprivation, joy, and surprises

[8:45] - Marriage after kids: missed connection, emotional gaps, and resentment

[12:06] - The physical toll of fatherhood and why self-care matters

[13:29] - The emotional cost of disconnection in marriage

[15:09] - How resentment is the cancer of relationships

[16:50] - Why Chandler named his platform “Relay” and its deeper meaning

[18:20] - Why isolation fuels addiction and how connection heals

[19:34] - Why porn isn’t the problem—it’s a comfort mechanism

[20:35] - Porn as a symptom of emotional wounds, not the root cause

[21:21] - Childhood trauma, hyper-stimulus, and the pain-pleasure cycle

[22:56] - How most men justify porn use (and why those stories fall apart)

[25:35] - The shame spiral: dissociation, numbness, and fragmentation

[28:54] - When needs go unmet: rationalizing porn through “selflessness”

[30:11] - Owning masculine needs without blame or desperation

[32:03] - Chandler’s powerful conversation with his wife that changed everything

[33:17] - Why emotional awareness is the first step to intimacy

[34:18] - The feminine response: how wives crave emotional leadership

[35:30] - The difference between openness and emotional outbursts

[36:38] - The moment Chandler reconnected with his wife through vulnerability

[39:47] - How unspoken needs lead to resentment—and eventually porn

[41:25] - The silver lining: how healing starts with connection

[43:20] - How Relay works: anonymous, app-based community for men

[46:45] - Why your wife shouldn’t be your accountability partner

[48:02] - Why connection must be as easy as access to porn

[49:47] - How Relay connects you with the right people 

[51:36] - Seeing your group’s progress and showing up with purpose

[53:11] -  Designing your future vs. resisting your past

[54:11] - Replacing one habit with a better one: app design insights

[56:33] - How a community will help you grow into a better person

[58:01] - The real problem isn’t desire, it’s implementation

[01:00:00] - Why information alone won’t change your life

[1:01:06] -  Where to find Chandler and the Relay app

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. Porn Isn’t the Problem—It’s the Pain

Most men turn to porn not out of lust, but to numb discomfort, avoid connection, or cope with emotional pain they haven’t addressed.

2. Resentment Is the Silent Killer of Marriage

Unspoken needs become stories. Stories become disconnection. And disconnection becomes resentment. That’s the cancer that silently kills intimacy.

3. You’re Not Broken—You’re Just Unfinished

Most men don’t lack desire or information—they lack implementation. Healing is not about perfection. It’s about progress with others.

4. Emotional Leadership Is Masculine

When men speak their needs clearly—without blame, shame, or desperation—it inspires women to soften, lean in, and reconnect.

5. Connection Is the Antidote to Shame

Isolation fuels addiction. Community kills shame. Vulnerability with safe men in a trusted circle is what creates lasting transformation.

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Join Relay (Chandler’s App): https://www.joinrelay.app

• Email Chandler: chandler@joinrelay.app

• Dad Edge Podcast: https://www.thedadedge.com/podcast

• Join the Alliance (Dad Edge Community): https://www.thedadedge.com/alliance