Navigating the Complexities of Hurt in Relationships

Are you constantly worried about hurting other people’s feelings? Does this fear keep you from speaking up, setting boundaries, or asking for what you really want? In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down how this pattern of over-cautiousness can actually be harming you—and how to shift into a healthier, more authentic way of being.

You’ll learn the crucial difference between hurting and harming others, how to release unnecessary guilt, and why disappointing people is a normal and necessary part of life. If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, this episode is your invitation to break free.

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Today, we’re diving into a fear that many of us struggle with: the fear of hurting others. Whether it’s in relationships, work, or social settings, many people worry about causing discomfort for others, and in doing so, end up hurting themselves. Let’s explore how this fear works and how to break free from it to become more authentically you.

The Difference Between Hurting and Harming

It’s natural to care about how others feel and want to avoid causing harm, but we often confuse hurting someone with harming them. Hurting is an emotional reaction—someone might feel upset or disappointed by something we say or do. Harming, on the other hand, is when we intentionally cause damage, like bullying or being cruel on purpose.

For example, in a situation where someone misses a deadline at work, saying something like, “You were supposed to get this to me by Thursday. It's now Friday, and it’s not up to standard,” might cause them to feel hurt, but it’s not harmful. It’s an honest expression of what happened. But many of us avoid doing this because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.

The Fear That Holds Us Back

The real issue comes when we fear causing any discomfort or disappointment in others. We avoid honest conversations because we think it might hurt someone’s feelings, and in the process, we become stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing. This happens often in romantic relationships. You might avoid telling your partner what you truly want to do on the weekend because you don’t want to disappoint them. Maybe you say yes to something you don’t want to do just to keep the peace. But in the long run, this doesn’t serve anyone. You’re suffocating your own needs while sacrificing your well-being to avoid a moment of discomfort for the other person.

The Myth of Perfection in Relationships

A significant part of this fear is rooted in the belief that we must always keep others happy. This stems from an unrealistic expectation that we should never disappoint or upset anyone. However, the reality is that healthy relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—are built on honesty and boundaries, not on never causing anyone any discomfort.

I once had a client who feared expressing his needs to his spouse because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. This fear ultimately hurt him and their relationship. He wasn’t able to share his preferences and, in turn, felt like he wasn’t being true to himself. And the irony is that when we deny ourselves, it doesn’t lead to harmony—it creates inner resentment and can damage relationships in the long run.

Shifting Your Perspective

Here’s the truth: you don’t need to be afraid of causing discomfort. Discomfort is a natural part of any relationship. It’s a signal that we are growing, evolving, and being real with each other. Instead of fearing it, we need to embrace it. When you stop overthinking and start being honest, you allow space for true connection and authenticity to thrive.

Your Action Step: Embrace Discomfort

Your action step is to start small. Identify one thing you’ve been holding back—something you’ve been avoiding because you’re afraid it might hurt someone’s feelings. Maybe it’s a boundary you need to set or a desire you haven’t expressed. Whatever it is, take that step today. If guilt arises, that’s okay. Remember, you’re not trying to harm anyone. You’re simply honoring your own needs and feelings.

The more you practice this, the more natural it will become. You'll begin to realize that it's not about being mean; it’s about being true to yourself, and this leads to stronger, more authentic relationships.

By shifting your mindset and embracing your true self, you’ll create deeper, more meaningful connections and start living with freedom. You’re allowed to take up space, express your needs, and set boundaries without feeling guilty. Start today and watch the transformation unfold.