Why parents over-manage children

Peter Gray explains parental over-management driven by safety fears and a college-admission race mindset.

Play episode from 36:49

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Episode notes

I sat down with psychologist and author Peter Gray to unpack why anxiety, depression, and immaturity are rising at the exact moment kids have more “support” than ever. Peter explains how we stripped childhood of the one ingredient that actually builds competence: real freedom. We talk about the collapse of free, self-directed play, the fear-driven culture that keeps kids under constant adult management, and how modern schooling turns learning into compliance and metrics—resulting in bad habits and chronic stress. Play isn’t a “bonus” part of childhood; it’s how children learn judgment, resilience, social intelligence, and self-control. The path back to healthier kids starts with letting them take risks, solve problems, and grow up the way humans evolved to.

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Check out Peter’s work on Substack: https://substack.com/@petergray

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Outline:

[0:00] Intro

[1:06] Essential skills for a successful adult life

[6:52] Education vs. schooling

[19:40] Anxiety, depression, and immaturity

[33:12] Is high school stress anything new?

[36:48] Why parents to over-manage their kids

[47:26] Are we training kids to accept authority and control?

[55:58] The history of the school system