Clash of the Commentators

John Murray, Ian Dennis & Ali Bruce-Ball talk football, travel & language. They debate the FA Cup schedule and lack of free-to-air matches, as well as Ruben Amorim and Enzo Maresca losing their jobs. There’s a twist in the first Clash of the Commentators of the year. More unintended pub and film names, and which commentary phrases will end up in our Great Glossary? Suggestions welcome on WhatsApp voicenotes to 08000 289 369 & emails to TCV@bbc.co.uk

02:00 Quiz controversy leaves scars 08:15 FA Cup commentaries this weekend 10:55 Should all the matches kick-off at three? 23:00 TCV on Amorim & Maresca 31:00 Back to square one 36:20 Unintended pub and film names 41:20 Clash of the Commentators 46:25 Great Glossary of Football Commentary

5 Live / BBC Sounds commentaries:

Fri 9 Jan FA CUP: Wrexham v Nottingham Forest 1930 - 5 LIVE. FA CUP: Preston v Wigan 1930 - SPORTS EXTRA.

Sat 10 Jan WSL: Arsenal v Man Utd 1230 - SPORTS EXTRA. FA CUP: Macclesfield v Crystal Palace 1215 - 5 LIVE. FA CUP: Everton v Sunderland 1215 - SPORTS EXTRA 2. FA CUP: Wolves v Shrewsbury 1215 - SPORTS EXTRA 3. FA CUP: Fulham v Middlesbrough 1500 - 5 LIVE. FA CUP: Man City v Exeter 1500 - SPORTS EXTRA. FA CUP: Newcastle v Bournemouth 1500 - SPORTS EXTRA 2. FA CUP: Stoke v Coventry 1500 - SPORTS EXTRA 3. FA CUP: Spurs v Aston Villa 1745 - 5 LIVE. FA CUP: Bristol City v Watford 1745 - SPORTS EXTRA. FA CUP: Cambridge v Birmingham 1745 - SPORTS EXTRA 2. FA CUP: Grimsby v Weston-super-mare 1745 - SPORTS EXTRA 3. FA CUP: Charlton v Chelsea 2000 - 5 LIVE.

Sun 11 Jan FA CUP: Derby v Leeds 1200 - 5 LIVE. FA CUP: Portsmouth v Arsenal 1400 - 5 LIVE. FA CUP: West Ham v QPR 1430 - SPORTS EXTRA. FA CUP: Norwich v Walsall 1430 - SPORTS EXTRA 2.

Mon 12 Jan FA CUP: Liverpool v Barnsley 1945 – 5 LIVE.

Great Glossary of Football Commentary:

DIVISION ONE Back to square one, Blaze over the bar, Bosman, Cruyff Turn, Cultured/educated left foot, Dead-ball specialist, Fox in the box, Giving the goalkeeper the eyes, Head tennis, Hibs it, In a good moment, In behind, The Maradona, Off their line, Olimpico, Onion bag, Panenka, Park the bus, Perfect hat-trick, Rabona, Roy of the Rovers stuff, Schmeichel-style, Scorpion kick, Spursy, Tiki-taka, Where the kookaburra sleeps, Where the owl sleeps, Where the spiders sleep. DIVISION TWO Ball stays hit, Beaten all ends up, Business end, Came down with snow on it, Catching practice, Camped in the opposition half, Cauldron atmosphere Coat is on a shoogly peg, Come back to haunt them, Corridor of uncertainty, Couldn’t sort their feet out, Easy tap-in, Daisy-cutter, First cab off the rank, Good leave, Half-turn, Has that in his locker, High wide and not very handsome, Hospital pass, Howler, In their pocket, Johnny on the spot, Leading the line, Nice headache to have, Nutmeg, One for the cameras, One for the purists, Played us off the park, Points to the spot, Prawn sandwich brigade, Purple patch, Put their laces through it, Reaches for their pocket, Rolls Royce, Root and branch review, Row Z, Screamer, Seats on the plane, Show across the bows, Slide-rule pass, Steal a march, Straight in the bread basket, Stramash, Taking one for the team, Telegraphed that pass, That’s great… (football), Thunderous strike, Turns on a sixpence, Walk it in. UNSORTED 2-0 is a dangerous score, After you Claude, All-Premier League affair, Aplomb, Bag/box of tricks, Brace, Brandished, Bread and butter, Breaking the deadlock, Bundled over the line, Champions elect / champions apparent, Clinical finish, Commentator’s curse, Coupon buster, Denied by the woodwork, Draught excluder, Elimination line, Fellow countryman, Foot race, Formerly of this parish, Free hit, Goalkeepers’ Union, Goalmouth scramble, Good touch for a big man, Honeymoon Period, In and around, In the shop window, Keeping ball under their spell, Keystone Cops defending, Languishing, Loitering with intent, Marching orders, Nestle in the bottom corner, Numbered derbies, Opposite number, PK for penalty-kick, Postage stamp, Put it in the mixer, Rasping shot, Red wine not white wine, Relegation six-pointer, Rooted at the bottom, Route One, Sending the goalkeeper the wrong way, Shooting boots, Sleeping giants, Slide rule pass, Small matter of, Spiders web, Stayed hit, Steepling, Stinging the palms, Stonewall penalty, Straight off the training ground, Taking one for the team, Team that likes to play football, Throw their cap on it, Thruppenny bit head / 50p head, Towering header, Two good feet, Turning into a basketball match, Turning into a cricket score, Usher/Shepherd the ball out of play, Walking a disciplinary tightrope, Wand of a left foot, We’ve got a cup tie on our hands, Wrap foot around it, Your De Bruynes, your Gundogans etc.