There's an art here of, like you said earlier, maybe art isn't even the right word, but a preparation to come to the conversation. And then there's also a piece of this that how do I create the space and ask the question in such a way where I'm likely to hear the best from someone else? If you've experimented with this a bit, what have you found that works to either set the stage or how you ask this question that's more likely to elicit the best from your peer?"
Michael Bungay Stanier: How to Work with (Almost) Anyone
Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. Most recently he wrote How to Begin, and back in 2011 he created and edited End Malaria, a book written in partnership with Seth Godin that raised more than $400k for Malaria No More.
Michael is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. He has been featured in many publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Fast Company. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times. Michael's newest book is How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Building the Best Possible Relationship*.
Most leaders recognize the critical nature of healthy, peer relationships. Yet, few leaders lay an intentional foundation for success as those relationships start. In this episode, Michael and I discuss how to start with peers using the five questions in a Keystone Conversation.
Key Points
Nobody really like to say hello but everyone likes to be greeted. Make a decision to be the person that begins.
Preparing thoughtful responses to the five questions in a Keystone Conversation will help you come to a dialogue in an authentic and vulnerable way.
The responses themselves aren’t as critical as the process itself. By entering into a keystone conversation, you are laying the foundation for future dialogue and the best possible relationship.
The five questions of a Keystone Conversation:
The Amplify Question: What’s your best?
The Steady Question: What are your practices and preferences?
The Good Date Question: What can you learn from successful past relationships?
The Bad Date Question: What can you learn from frustrating past relationships?
The Repair Question: How will you fix it when things go wrong?
Resources Mentioned
Preorder Michael’s book at bestpossiblerelationship.com
Bonus audio: Michael’s process for writing this book (12 minutes)
Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes
How to Deal with Opponents and Adversaries, with Peter Block (episode 328)
How to Involve Stakeholders in Decisions, with Eric Pliner (episode 586)
How to Start a Big Leadership Role, with Carol Kauffman (episode 617)
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