In teleculture, you tell the other person what's going on in your own mind whenever you suspect that you both benefit from them knowing. You interpret things people tell you as attempts to create common knowledge for shared benefit rather than as requests or presumptions of compliance. In ass culture, you might say something like, can we talk about this another time? And then a guest culture person's like, oh no, if I had to say no, are they going to be hurt? And then they're going to say yes just to avoid trying to hurt you.
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How straightforwardly should we communicate our preferences to others? How many times does a person need to say "yes" relative to the number of times they say "no" so that a relationship can be maintained? Most people probably use a mix of asking and guessing; but under what conditions should each strategy be employed? What are the costs and benefits for the askers, guessers, and the people of whom the explicit or implicit request is being made? Since even the act of asking a question can be revealing, how can we know when to disclose certain pieces of information about our preferences? Does asking or guessing work better in small or large groups? Is it more polite to guess or ask? How does "tell" culture differ from ask and guess cultures? Does asking for consent (instead of guessing about whether or not the person consents) in sexual situations kill the mood?
Will Eden was on the podcast back in episode 040. You can read more about him there!
Sam Rosen was on the podcast back in episode 002. You can read more about him there!
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