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The Dance Between Praise and Flattery
If you flatter someone and it's clear that it's your after something, you've already violated their self opinion. You want to find those qualities that no one's been flattering them about but that they feel insecure about. So flattering their values, their sense of goodness is a good strategy. It's very Machiavellian. And if you flatter them about that, thinking that you know who they are, et cetera, you're actually going to insult them because they don't want to think of themselves as being Machiavellians.