Does Chaos Build Resilience or Harm It?

In this episode of Demystifying Mental Toughness, David Charlton speaks with Matt Young, an anxiety and fear coach and former professional footballer, about how emotional control can help athletes and coaches achieve lasting freedom and confidence, on and off the pitch.

Matt shares how his playing career at Southampton and other clubs exposed deep insecurities and a constant need to control outcomes including; selection, performance, and judgment from others. That same drive for control, he explains, often leads athletes into anxiety, superstition, and burnout. True freedom, he argues, comes from looking at emotional control differently, not trying to control everything around you.

The conversation explores how many athletes mask vulnerability, hide behind their sporting identity, and only seek help when things "break down." Matt advocates for a proactive approach, helping clubs and athletes emotionally prepare in the same way they prepare physically and tactically. He also shares what sets top performers apart; urgency, emotional awareness, and consistency in pursuing growth rather than waiting for crises to act.

If you're an athlete, coach, or parent, this episode offers powerful insights on emotional mastery, identity, and resilience, key ingredients for sustained performance and wellbeing.

>> Key Takeaways

1. Emotional Control Beats External Control - True confidence doesn't come from trying to control every situation, opponent, or outcome. It comes from mastering your internal state, your emotions, thoughts, and reactions so that you can stay composed and perform freely, no matter what's happening around you.

2. Masks and Identities Can Limit Growth - Many athletes hide behind their sporting identity or project confidence to cover insecurities. Over time, this emotional masking can lead to anxiety, burnout, and confusion about who they are beyond sport. Building emotional awareness helps athletes reconnect with who they are, not just what they do.

3. Be Proactive, Not Reactive with Mental Skills - Too many athletes wait until they're struggling before seeking help. Matt encourages a proactive approach developing emotional resilience and mental fitness before challenges hit. Just like a physical MOT, regular emotional check-ins can prevent breakdowns and keep performance consistent.

This episode is packed with insights for athletes, coaches, and parents of young athletes about the importance of emotional control and emotional mastery for better more consistent performances and enhanced well-being.

For more on this topic, check out these resources:

Blog - Confidence Under Pressure: The 3-Second Reset Technique

Blog: - Control Your Thoughts on the Golf Course

Ep167 Karl Morris – How To Manage Your Emotions To Improve Your Golf #BITESIZE

Ep280 Colm O'Donoghue - How To Help A Golfer Who Struggles Playing Strokeplay

Conversations With Kids - How to Help Kids Stay Calm Under Pressure

Conversations With Kids - Helping Young Athletes Thrive Under Pressure

Connect with Matt Young

· LinkedIn

· Website

Connect with David Charlton

· Sign Up To The Mental Edge

· Join David @ The Sports Psychology Hub

· LinkedIn