Have too much self-control?
You worked hard, followed the rules, and delayed gratification to get where you are in life. You played nice, did what you were told, and were rewarded for it. You have high expectations of yourself and for those around you. You have a strong sense of how the world should be and a consciousness of right and wrong. These are all admirable traits. Yet, your sex life and relationships suffer. Emotional distance has grown between you and your partner. Passion has diminished. Sex has become routine, assuming it happens at all. Your mind overthinks, making it impossible to relax: "Will the kids hear us?"; "My body's changed so much!"; "I have tons to catch up on and sex is a waste of time"; "What if I embarrass myself?" You fear uncertainty, especially about the future; you feel anxious, yet you want more out of life. You want to have fun with sex and be intimate and enjoy what you see others enjoying. You're not sure where to start though or if your thoughts and feelings will ever change. They can. Thomas L Murray's Making Nice with Naughty: An Intimacy Guide for the Rule-Following, Organized, Perfectionist, Practical, and Color-Within-The-Line Types (Clinical Training & Consultation, 2022) is an intimacy guide for turning down your dial on what is defined as an Overcontrolled (OC) Temperament and reclaiming psychological flexibility, child-like playfulness, adventure, and guilt-free pleasure-seeking.
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