The Feeling of Knowing Something Wasn't True

There was this one point in my life where I noticed the feeling of sort of knowing something wasn't true, hiding it away in the corner of my mind. It was a like there had been a childhood game some years earlier where it's basically involved kids from a summer camp hitting each other with small plastic bowling pins. And what I told myself about that for some number of years was I'm refusing to participate in this game because it's a negative sum game. Like as a matter of ideals, I'm not going to like trade being hurt for the chance to hurt others. Some years later, I looked back and realized like no, I just hadn't wanted to be hurt. Now I