I was struggling in this chapter with generosity because I do feel like the two ways of seeing it for me have been so extreme where especially you know as a woman it's like martyr yourself and self-sacrifice. Research is that these quote unquote unmitigated givers they actually experience worse mental health and worse relationship outcomes than people that gave but were also like had boundaries for themselves. In this way I'm willing to be inconvenienced at times when it's particularly important to someone that's important to me right when my needs are particularly important I'm willing  to inconvenience other people.

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