Resolving a Regrettable Incident

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One of the best things that you can do, we call processing a regrettable incident. When you've had a really bad fight where some of those Four Horsemen have thundered through the conversation, it's really important to go back with your partner and talk about what happened in the way that you communicated. They're both right. So each one presents their point of view. The other one summarizes what they just heard the partners say and gives a few words of validation. Like, I get how you would have felt that way.

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What makes for a loving relationship that lasts? For over 40 years Drs. John and Julie Gottman have devoted their life to answering this question with the research and practice of fostering healthy, long-lasting relationships. Through studying thousands of couples, publishing over 200 academic articles, more than 40 books on the topic and co-founding the Gottman’s Institute, John and Julie have created interventions to change the way that couples relate to each other to help people succeed in the future of their relationships. In the conversation, John and Julie give me a masterclass in everything there is to know about building long lasting relationships, we cover the four key reasons why relationships fail, communication strategies, rituals to cultivate deeper connection and their latest book The Seven Day Love Prescription which distills their work into a seven-day action plan for deeper intimacy. Enjoy :)

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(00:00) Intro
(02:06) Why do we need research about love and relationships?
(04:37) Research methodology for analysing couples
(06:42) What are the things that predict a relationship will be happy?
(07:52) The 4 reasons why relationships fail
(16:04) Strategies to overcome anger
(18:35) What can people do to overcome conflict in relationships
(24:30) Why logic vs emotion is a false dichotomy
(33:10) Common mistakes men make in relationships
(38:12) Your research into LGBTQ+ relationships
(40:18) The biggest difference between men and women in relationships
(43:40) Decision making in relationships
(48:01) Rituals of connection
(51:01) Relationship reviews
(56:35) What is the function of marriage?
(01:07:31) Is there an ideal age gap?
(01:10:44) Relationships therapy and pre-commitment counselling
(01:14:12) The love prescription formula
(01:26:06) Book writing

🔗 CONNECT WITH JOHN AND JULIE

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Find the show notes and the transcript on the website: https://aliabdaal.com/podcast/

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