In 2012, I got the FIFA player of the year award. Somebody literally handed me a trophy that crowned me the best in the world. And I realized that night I remember laying in bed feeling like, oh, I still feel void. I still feel unlovable in this weird way. That wasn't the thing that was going to fix my internal angst about my life. The only way I can explain it is because we all have to go up and it's still not here that means it's not coming.

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