Cactus vs. Venus Flytrap: Individual Differences in Social Need

Autistic people are often stereotyped as uninterested in social connection, but the reality is far more nuanced, and longing for connection can coexist with the need for isolation or sensory protection. Understanding your own capacity and motivation for relationships isn’t just helpful, it’s often a key part of self-acceptance.

In this episode, Patrick Casale and Dr. Megan Anna Neff, two AuDHD mental health professionals, discuss the misconception that Autistic people don’t want connection. They talk about the nuances of social motivation, energy, and capacity; share candid stories about their own friendship, relational differences, and how the neurodivergent community feels different than neurotypical interaction; and offer insight into parallel play, the importance of rhythmic attunement, and what actually makes friendship feel sustainable and authentic.

Top 3 reasons to listen to the entire episode:

1. Challenge myths and stereotypes about Autistic social motivation and capacity — this conversation provides context, nuance, and real-life examples from Patrick and Megan Anna’s own experiences.
2. Discover what makes neurodivergent connections uniquely rewarding (and sometimes difficult), including honest reflections on friendship maintenance, the metaphor of “cactus” versus “Venus flytrap” personalities, and the power of finding your rhythm with others.
3. Learn ways to build and sustain relationships that honor your needs, including adaptive strategies for digital, parallel, and deep connections—and why unmasking and attunement matter in making friendship work.

If you’ve ever wrestled with wanting connection but feeling like social energy is limited—or if you’re searching for friendships that honor your neurodivergent rhythms—this episode is full of empathy, insight, and practical ideas. Deepen your understanding of what authentic connection looks like and how to find it in your own life.

Additional Learning

To explore more about relationships, cross-neurotype dynamics, and navigating communication differences, check out these Neurodivergent Insights articles:

• The Double Empathy Problem: neurodivergentinsights.com/the-double-empathy-problem
• Cross-Neurotype Communication: neurodivergentinsights.com/object-based-vs-social-based-conversations
• Object-Based vs. Social-Based Conversations: neurodivergentinsights.com/object-based-vs-social-based-conversations

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✨ Neurodivergent Insights Autistic Burnout Resources

If you’d like to supplement your learning on burnout, you can check out Neurodivergent Insights' resources on burnout. We have articles, an Autistic Burnout course, workbooks, and print books! Visit: neurodivergentinsights.com/burnout-resources

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Mentioned in this episode:

Jane

Jane is a clinic management software and EMR designed to be an extra set of helping hands in your health and wellness business. Available online and on any device, Jane has branded online booking, scheduling, insurance billing, customizable documentation templates and online forms, integrated payments, telehealth, and more — wrapped up in one beautiful package that even your patients/clients will love. Backed by our unlimited human support available by phone, email, and chat (even on Saturdays!), Jane is here to help you get back to the work you love. Get 2 months off new Jane subscriptions when you use code DCPOD at signup. Visit: https://janesoftware.partnerlinks.io/divergentconversations

Neurodivergent Insights' Autistic Burnout Resources

If you’d like to supplement your learning on burnout, you can check out Neurodivergent Insights' resources on burnout. We have articles, an Autistic Burnout course, workbooks, and print books! Visit: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/burnout-resources