Identity vs Identification; Attention Not Overthinking

Distinguishing identity from social identification, and learning to pay attention (observe) rather than ruminate—how meditation quiets the default mode network and creates internal clarity.

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Do you ever feel lost?

What usually helps you find your way back?

Today, Jay sits down with @HealthyGamerGG (Dr. K), psychiatrist, meditation teacher, and author of How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, for an eye-opening conversation about why so many young people feel lost and disconnected in today’s world. Together, they uncover the hidden struggles millions face: loneliness, confusion, and the constant pressure of feeling “behind in life,” even when everything looks fine on the outside. Dr. K shares how shifting milestones and rising societal pressures have fueled an epidemic of uncertainty, leaving many to question their worth, direction, and identity.

Together, Jay and Dr. examine how ego, technology, and external expectations shape the way we see ourselves. Drawing on neuroscience, psychology, and Eastern philosophy, Dr. K explains how the constant search for validation traps us in cycles of comparison and self-criticism. He offers practical tools for breaking free, learning to tell the difference between “thinking about yourself” and truly “paying attention to yourself,” observing emotions without attaching heavy meaning to them, and discovering peace in stillness. This conversation is a powerful reminder that the way out of overwhelm isn’t found in doing or achieving more, but in cultivating clarity and connection within.

They dive into the challenges of masculinity, purpose, relationships, and the many forms of modern addiction, from pornography to overwork. Dr. K emphasizes that true healing begins with embracing discomfort, processing the emotions we’ve long avoided, and choosing our own values rather than living by society’s script.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Overcome a Quarter-Life Crisis

How to Tell The Difference Between Identity and Identification

How to Stop Feeling Behind in Life

How to Pay Attention Instead of Overthinking

How to Quiet the Ego’s Voice

How to Process Painful Emotions Safely

How to Build Healthier Relationships with Boundaries

How to Reduce the Grip of Technology on Your Mind

Growth doesn’t come from racing toward milestones or comparing yourself to others, but from learning to pause, pay attention, and listen to what’s happening within. Every challenge you face can be a doorway to deeper clarity, resilience, and peace.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:08 Are You Having a Quarter-Life Crisis?

06:58 Why You Really Feel Behind in Life

12:35 Thinking About Yourself vs. Paying Attention to Yourself

15:45 Discovering the True Source of Suffering

20:35 Why Chasing Growth Isn’t Real Growth

23:54 Remember You Always Have a Choice

28:50 How to Stop Living for Others’ Opinions

36:00 The Brain’s Natural Ability to Heal