Navigating Trauma in Relationships

Why does Tanner emphasize individual healing before making relationship decisions?

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) recovery frameworks are essential tools for those navigating the intricate and often tumultuous path of healing from deep-seated trauma. Tanner Wallace, a leader in this field, has crafted unique recovery frameworks utilizing parts work and Internal Family Systems as foundational practices to facilitate transformative healing experiences. Drawing from her background in social research, Tanner's approach underscores the messy and nonlinear journey of recovery, advocating for individual unburdening and integration as critical steps. She critiques mainstream relational advice for inadequately addressing CPTSD's impact on relationships, reflecting on her own challenges with publicly navigating recovery and marriage. Tanner emphasizes the need for personal healing before making relational commitments and promotes shared responsibility and dedication in partnerships, challenging traditional narratives that label one partner as the "problem."

Key TakeAways

- CPTSD Medicine focuses on developing frameworks, modules, and curriculums to help humans permanently heal from CPTSD using parts work as a foundational practice.

- Tanner emphasizes the importance of embracing a messy, nonlinear healing process while highlighting the significance of individual and relational healing in the recovery journey.

- Tanner reflects on their healing journey within her marriage, acknowledging the challenges of navigating healing publicly and guiding others.

- Tanner discusses the challenges of navigating CPTSD recovery within a relationship, emphasizing the importance of individual healing before making collective decisions.

- Tanner stresses the importance of being dedicated, showing up for the work, and making clear decisions regarding the future of a relationship based on groundedness and courage.

Actionable Insights

- Embrace the messy and non-linear nature of healing from CPTSD

- Prioritize individual healing before making collective decisions in relationships

- Recognize that both partners co-create relationship issues and are responsible for solving them

- Invest time, dedication, and effort in relationships for deeper connections and clarity

- Make decisions in relationships based on groundedness and courage

Quotes:

“The sexual stuff, the sexual connection, the intimacy is simply a symptom of much deeper stuff that’s happening underneath.” — Tanner  [0:10:54]

“In my healing, I now understand CPTSD [and] healing it doesn’t make logical sense. You just gotta run with what’s happening. You’ve got to lean into the flow.” — Tanner [0:13:13]

“What’s so powerful about the ‘It’s ending’ or ‘I’m staying’ decision is it’s squeaky clean and it ends the ambiguity.” — Tanner  [0:16:58]

“You cannot arrive at the final result — that squeaky clean ‘yes, no’, when you have an exit door wide open; that you’re in.” — Tanner [0:20:29]