Why Partnerships Trigger Attachment Fears

When you hear the word “dependency,” what does it conjure up for you? Feelings of resistance? Discomfort? Maybe a squirmy feeling? Or something more positive? Does it feel good for you to be needed? 

When we first emerge into the world as infants, we are 100% dependent on our caregiver(s) for all our physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and relational needs. Our parents have been responsible for every one of our needs, day in and day out, for years. It is a biological imperative to attach to our caregiver (attachment figure), and it’s completely instinctual—it’s how a baby survives. Being someone’s attachment figure is incredibly demanding.

Attachment science empirically speaks to the similarity between how a child attaches to a parent and how an adult attaches to their spouse, meaning our attachment figure changes from our parent to our significant other. However, your partner is not your caregiver… Contingent on your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, secure), it can become triggering to depend on or depend on someone else.

Join Jayson and Ellen to better understand healthy and unhealthy dependency, normalize it, and even use our needs and dependence to deepen connection. 

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