The Doctrine of Particular Redeeming

I'm thinking back to the days when this was a hot topic for me and there were times where I would stand before pretty large groups of people and talk about this. And I remember at one point someone in the audience, a member of the church we came out of stood up and he was not a Calvinist. He wasn't really on my side at all, but he made this observation. Even it seem as if Christ is kind of out of sync with God the Father if definite atonement or particular redemption is not true. That's why I said they all have to fit together.