Leveraging Peer Pressure for Self-Discipline and Controlling Impulses

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00:00:00 Hello, listeners

00:06:39 Personal motivation

00:13:03 The SD = (PeM+PoB) − (dc + ds) formula

00:16:06 If-then statements

00:18:20 Peter Gollwitzer

00:23:10 According to Oxford Dictionaries

• Self-discipline and habits are innately intertwined. In fact, habits are the natural goal for self-discipline; self-disciplined acts require conscious effort until the point it becomes a natural habit.

• Make it a habit to think about a self-discipline formula, either the one in this book, or one of your own making. It’s another way of visualizing exactly what forces are at play regarding your self-discipline. My favorite version: Self-discipline = (personal motivation + positive benefits) − (discomfort + distractions). Here, if the right side of the equation turns out positive, then you have the pre-requisites for self-discipline. Thus, it becomes a matter of understanding the positive forces (motivation and benefits) and the negative forces (discomfort and distractions) and how they manifest in your life. You may even discover that you are neglecting a few factors, which is just setting yourself up for failure.

• Use the if-then technique to make your decisions before you have to decide to exercise self-discipline. Our worst decisions come when we rely on our strength of character. Thus, plan around them. If X, then Y can be your new best friend, and it is applicable in just about everything we encounter on a daily basis. It turns out we behave better when linked to other things.

• What kind of discipline style should you use, abstinence or moderation? Abstinence provides that there are no exceptions allowed, and it actually gives you a sense of freedom because you won’t have to negotiate with yourself on when to start, stop, and feel satisfied. Moderation is when you accept a certain amount of deviation, as long as you can meet your goals and milestones you set out beforehand. There is also freedom here because you can indulge and not feel like you are missing out on anything.

• Peer pressure can be positive. The sad truth is that we are products of our physical and social environments. With regards to the latter, the people around us can sometimes make or break us. Thus, we can construct our social circles to help us become more self-discipline. You can use accountability partners, role models, mentors, and teachers. You can also dip into the dark side and use the negative emotions of public shame and embarrassment to keep you accountable. After all, we work harder to avoid a punch in the face than to eat our favorite food.

• Impulses are the antithesis of self-discipline. They are unpredictable urges that can take over at any point. Studies have shown that impulses are stronger during emotional reactions. Thus, battling impulses is about putting as much time as possible between an emotional reaction and the actual response you give. Delaying tactics, in other words. You can use the ten second/minute rule, label your feelings, write down the facts of a situation without regard to your personal perspective, and ask “why” five times to understand the root of the impulse.

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