Understanding Requests in Relationships

In this episode, my guest is Dr. Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, renowned expert on parent-child relationships and founder of Good Inside, an educational platform for parents and parents-to-be. We discuss how to learn, embody, and teach better emotional processing, leading to healthier relationships in parenting, work, romantic partnerships and friendships. Dr. Kennedy shares practical strategies for managing guilt, building frustration tolerance, and nurturing emotional intelligence, as well as the impact of technology on emotional processing. This conversation aims to empower listeners to cultivate resilient, loving and supportive connections across all areas of life.

Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com.

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Timestamps

00:00:00 Dr. Becky Kennedy; LA Fires

00:03:13 Emotions, Parents & Kids, Information, Tools: Story; “Right to Notice”

00:11:24 Sponsors: Wealthfront & Our Place

00:14:25 Empathy, Kids & Parents

00:18:33 Sturdiness, Pilot Analogy, Tool: Parental Self-Care

00:26:34 Emotions, Rigidity, Moody vs Steady Kids, Siblings

00:32:51 Emotion Talk, Crying; Eye Rolls, Tools: Not Taking Bait; Discuss Struggle

00:39:26 Parent-Child Power Dynamics, Tools: Requests for Parent; Repair

00:48:50 Sponsors: AG1 & Joovv

00:51:39 Power & Authority, Tools: Learning More; Parent Primary Job & Safety

00:59:16 Statements of Stance, Actions vs Emotions; Values, Behaviors & Rigidity

01:05:59 Guilt, Women; Tools: “Not Guilt”, Tennis Court Analogy & Empathy

01:15:46 Sponsors: LMNT & Eight Sleep

01:18:41 Guilt, Relationships, Tool: Naming Values Directly

01:26:06 Locate Others & Values; Sturdy Leadership; Parenting & Shame

01:31:36 Egg Analogy & Boundaries; Tools: Frame Separation; Pilot & Turbulence; Safety

01:39:30 Projection, “Porous”; Tools: Gazing In vs Out, Most Generous Interpretation

01:45:51 Tools: “Soften”; Do Nothing & Difficult Situations; Proving Parenting

01:51:05 Gazing In vs Out, Scales; Self-Needs & Inconvenience

02:00:05 Stress & Story, Nervous; Relationships vs Efficiency

02:08:46 Technology, Relationships, Frustration Tolerance, Gratification

02:15:18 Slowing Down, Phones, Frustration, Capability

02:21:42 Immediate Gratification, Effort & Struggle, Dopamine

02:29:25 Confidence, Board Games, Parental Modeling

02:34:04 Ultra-Performers & Pressure, Emptiness

02:41:29 Trying Things, Unlived Dreams, Frustration Tolerance, Tool: Learning Space

02:51:08 Learning & Building Frustration Tolerance, Tantrums; Feelings & Story

03:03:00 Tool: Using Story; Shame, Punishment

03:12:55 Leadership & Storytelling, Tools: Asking Questions; Songs & Learning

03:23:21 Miss Edson, Momentum, Tool: Small First Steps

03:30:15 Tools: Parents & Starting Point

03:36:29 Good Inside, Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, YouTube Feedback, Sponsors, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

Disclaimer & Disclosures