This chapter explores the speaker's journey from a small Iowa town to working with the police and FBI, shedding light on the emotional complexities of volunteering at a suicide hotline. It emphasizes the dynamics of communication, especially in difficult situations, highlighting effective strategies for negotiation and engagement in the workplace. The discussion further underscores the importance of understanding one's value and aligning personal contributions with organizational goals to successfully navigate career challenges.
A Note from James:
You know, I first had Chris Voss on in 2016. Out of the 1500+ podcasts I’ve done, his is one of the few where I’ve really followed all the advice. His book Never Split the Difference wasn’t just any negotiating book—it’s a survival guide for life, built from his time as the FBI’s lead hostage negotiator. And trust me, if you’re going to take advice from anyone on negotiation, take it from Chris. His tactics don’t just work in life-or-death situations—they work in everyday business, personal relationships, and everything in between.
Today, Chris is back on the show for the third time. We talk about his documentary Tactical Empathy, available on Amazon Prime, and what makes a truly great negotiator. Trust me, whether you’re selling a company or just trying to ask for a raise, you’re going to want to listen closely to this one. Negotiation isn’t just a skill—it’s a way of life, and you’ll learn why here.
Episode Description:
In this episode, James sits down with negotiation expert Chris Voss to dig into the real secrets behind successful negotiating. Drawing from his years as an FBI hostage negotiator, Chris reveals how the techniques he developed to save lives can be applied to everyday negotiations, from asking for a raise to making high-stakes business deals. They also discuss the impact of Chris’s documentary Tactical Empathy, which explores the importance of empathy in negotiation. With actionable tips and real-world insights, this episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to improve their negotiation game.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why empathy is the most powerful tool in any negotiation
- How to use tactical empathy to build trust and get better outcomes
- The difference between tactical empathy and manipulation
- How understanding neuroscience can give you an edge in negotiations
- Key techniques to avoid burnout in high-stress negotiations
Timestamped Chapters:
- [00:01:30] Introduction to Chris Voss and his journey
- [00:03:00] The importance of tactical empathy
- [00:05:25] Chris’s experience with a suicide hotline
- [00:08:00] How to disrupt manipulation in negotiation
- [00:12:00] Chris’s approach to asking for a raise
- [00:15:00] The role of emotional intelligence in negotiation
- [00:19:30] Neuroscience and how it applies to negotiating
- [00:23:58] Triggering neurochemical responses in negotiations
- [00:27:32] Oxytocin and its role in building trust
- [00:31:10] Manipulative vs. genuine empathy
- [00:36:05] Building relationships and timelines in negotiation
- [00:40:15] How Chris deals with suspects and witnesses in interrogations
- [00:45:20] Evolution of terrorist organizations post-9/11
- [00:50:13] Tools of the trade: go-to techniques for negotiation
- [00:54:45] Using the Ackerman model in bargaining
- [01:00:09] Emotional bandwidth and hostage situations
- [01:05:08] Understanding pronouns and decision-makers in negotiations
- [01:12:26] Using empathy to secure high valuations in business deals
- [01:16:07] The importance of long-term relationships in negotiation
- [01:18:26] Final thoughts on anger and negotiation
Additional Resources:
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