When you died, it was like that frozen mountain of emotional outbursts inside me melted all at once. My older brother tried to take me outside. He expected it when I started screaming and sobbing at the funeral. If you saw me now, you wouldn't think I was the same person. You'd hardly recognize me. It's a lot harder for me to stare blankly now and take things,. Like that if someone says, you know, excuse me, you took my parking space. Stare blankly and not argue.