Understanding Sunk Cost Fallacy and Trauma Bonding in Toxic Relationships

This chapter explores the concept of sunk cost fallacy in toxic relationships, discussing how attachment and old patterns play a role. It also introduces trauma bonding and emphasizes the difficulty of leaving toxic relationships. The importance of radical acceptance and the resulting tidal wave of grief are highlighted.

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Today we are joined by clinical psychologist and narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasala. Dr. Ramani unpacks narcissistic personality disorder, defining types of narcissism, how it’s diagnosed, and where this originates. She shares the implications of the extreme side of this disorder, discussing the dark reality of narcissistic abuse in relationships, love-bombing, triangulation, and gas-lighting. She provides advice for anyone stuck in a cycle of abuse or supporting a friend through this process. She reveals the sad truth of abuse: that most people never change.

This is a great episode for anyone wanting to better understand this disorder and get out of a cycle of abuse.

André's Book Recommendations: https://www.knowthyself.one/books

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Timecodes:

0:00 Intro

1:54 Defining & Identifying Narcissism

6:59 Why This Develops in People

10:20 Different Types of Narcissism

13:59 How Our Society Rewards Narcissism

15:36 How Certain Types Develop

19:16 At What Age Narcissism Begins

21:40 The Internal Reality of a Narcissist

25:45 Common Traits of Narcissistic Abuse

31:38 Why Love Bombing is Toxic

37:09 The True Meaning of Gaslighting

41:18 Triangulation & Cycles of Manipulation

42:40 When Self Esteem Becomes Too Much

47:14 Cultural Distinctions & Healing Family Trauma

52:18 Breaking Free of a Narcissistic Relationship

1:01:11 Will They Ever Change?

1:04:29 Is It You?

1:10:57 Supporting a Friend in an Abusive Relationship

1:14:45 Becoming Aware of Your Own Narcissism

1:19:28 The Sad Reality of Being a Narcissist

1:22:00 Spiritual Narcissism

1:28:07 Final Thoughts

1:35:34 Conclusion

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Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, CA, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She is an author of several books including Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist, and “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. The focus of Dr. Durvasula’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations. Her work has been featured at SXSW, TEDx, Red Table Talk, the Today Show, and Investigation Discovery. You can also find her on YouTube where she has accumulated millions of views on her videos discussing narcissism on her successful channel, and on social media @DoctorRamani. Now she will be adding the role of host to her resume as she launches her new podcast, Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani, a show that focuses on narcissism and its impact on relationships.

Website: https://doctor-ramani.com

Pre-Order “It’s Not You”: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/710202/its-not-you-by-ramani-durvasula-phd/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/

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Looking to Start a Podcast? Podcasting Course: https://www.podcastpurpose.com/

Know Thyself

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