In one study, more than 75 % of people reported that they had recently assessed their self worth by comparing themselves to others. This is just so much a part of the human condition, isn't it? And i want o name to some of you listeners might be thinking, comparison is not technically an emotion, and you are correct. Envy is the feeling, but people relate to the word arison. That'sat's the word that we think about in our general vocabulary. So your envys is the deeper emotion. And sometimes jealousy can come up to envy is when you desire what other people have. When comparison sends you down a dark spiral, it's because you're not comparing
Mollie West Duffy: Big Feelings
Mollie West Duffy is an expert in organizational design, development, and leadership coaching. She previously was an organizational design lead at global innovation firm IDEO. She’s helped advise and coach leaders and founders at companies including Casper, Google, LinkedIn, Bungalow, and Slack. She’s experienced in designing talent processes and systems, as well as organizational structures and behaviors, cultural values, and learning and development programs.
She's written for Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Entrepreneur, Quartz, and other digital outlets. She co-founded the Capital Good Fund, Rhode Island's first microfinance fund. She is the co-author with Liz Fosslien of the Wall Street Journal bestseller No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work and now their second book Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay*.
We’ve all heard the well-intended advice that we should not compare ourselves to others. In this conversation, Mollie and I explore why that's almost impossible to do and how we can cooperate a bit more with the inevitable and make our comparisons more useful. We highlight some of the key ways that comparison can help us and where leaning in may actually be useful in your own happiness and development.
Key Points
It’s a myth that the less you compare yourself to others, the better. Often, the opposite is true: we don’t compare ourselves enough.
We tend to compare our weaknesses to other people's strengths. Finding ways to curate our inputs is often much more useful.
Shifting from malicious envy to benign envy is helpful. Thoughts such as “I’m inspired by what they’ve done…” or “I haven’t done what they’ve done…yet,” can move us to a healthier place.
We see the best of people on social media. It’s helpful to piece together the missing footage by comparing some of the nitty gritty.
Compare present you against past you.
Resources Mentioned
Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay* by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy
How to Manage Your Anger at Work by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy
Interview Notes
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